Why Try? Ever ask yourself this?
- Thread starter Luliby
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Well sir, I am certainly empathetic with your feelings. Just like looking in a mirror, in fact. Don't go on that shooting spree on your own, as I'm sure you can find some volunteers to go with you. Much more efficient that way! But alas, I fear that it won't help. Besides, some of them will escape to perpetuate the meaninlessness, and you life will be snuffed out. in the end it won't matter either way.
I hope you and I both can find some sort of meaningfull reason to exist and find hapiness of some kind. Helping others in need is probably a waste of time, but it sure makes one feel better somehow. Try it out. You'll find people need otheres willing to give of their time and energy, and they will appreciate it.
I hope you and I both can find some sort of meaningfull reason to exist and find hapiness of some kind. Helping others in need is probably a waste of time, but it sure makes one feel better somehow. Try it out. You'll find people need otheres willing to give of their time and energy, and they will appreciate it.
I have. I might be coming from a different background, though. I will have every explanation in the book for why I ask "Why try?" So it's pointless to argue with me. I'm in my own hole and I made it myself and it's built well and just for me. But why do I ask this question? First of all, why am I not ambitious? Why do I not CARE? Why do I not just get up like a storm and take control of my life? Where is my swagger? Where's my courage? Why do I not seem to care? Success and intrigue is out there, yet I am not...
I don't know.
I guess I just hate myself. I'm not worth improving. But the universe is so interesting.
So I wake up to see what new and exciting things there will be today. But for some reason I have no motivation to move forward and expand and improve myself and be a success like I wish I was. I get down when I think about how unsuccessful I am. How unproductive I've been. How much I've wasted my time and wasted the time of others. How can it be that I don't care? Can I be that indifferent? Am I a narcissist?
My hero is Data, from Star Trek. I always liked him because he wasn't influenced by emotion and was always there for others and was concise and disciplined and everything I wasn't but wished I was. It's strange because I am too selfish to be available for others like he always was and too careless to get things right consistently. I am just a chemistry experiment waiting to fail, it seems to me. Or maybe not. I hold out hope that somewhere there's an answer to my problems. Or maybe I will grow to conclude that my problems aren't problems after all.
Regardless, the loser that I am, I wouldn't mind be getting stuck on a vessel outside of starfleet space with Commander Data and Leforge. They were my favorites. They weren't afraid to be excited about stupid mundane things. Not afraid of them. I hope I don't die this way, never having matured beyond this stage in my life. I'm 33 and acting like a child right now.
I don't know.
I guess I just hate myself. I'm not worth improving. But the universe is so interesting.
So I wake up to see what new and exciting things there will be today. But for some reason I have no motivation to move forward and expand and improve myself and be a success like I wish I was. I get down when I think about how unsuccessful I am. How unproductive I've been. How much I've wasted my time and wasted the time of others. How can it be that I don't care? Can I be that indifferent? Am I a narcissist?
My hero is Data, from Star Trek. I always liked him because he wasn't influenced by emotion and was always there for others and was concise and disciplined and everything I wasn't but wished I was. It's strange because I am too selfish to be available for others like he always was and too careless to get things right consistently. I am just a chemistry experiment waiting to fail, it seems to me. Or maybe not. I hold out hope that somewhere there's an answer to my problems. Or maybe I will grow to conclude that my problems aren't problems after all.
Regardless, the loser that I am, I wouldn't mind be getting stuck on a vessel outside of starfleet space with Commander Data and Leforge. They were my favorites. They weren't afraid to be excited about stupid mundane things. Not afraid of them. I hope I don't die this way, never having matured beyond this stage in my life. I'm 33 and acting like a child right now.
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Johnny your not a loser!!! and you are worth improving, you just need a push, a sign as some call it, to get yourself up and going again.
If I could choose to be someone else for the day it would be "Dexter", ever watch that show? His attitude towards humans is awesome, wish I had his courage to do the things he does and thats just crazy.
If I could choose to be someone else for the day it would be "Dexter", ever watch that show? His attitude towards humans is awesome, wish I had his courage to do the things he does and thats just crazy.
Sigh, Why Try is something that is holding me back so badly. I dunno, why try I ask myself, what can there poosibly be worth looking forward to?:mhmm: Nothing I can think of, such a loser, thrown what little I had away, I've almost given up, only one thing left in my life to try, why did it have to come down to this?:grr: Man, am I feeling so low...sorry, just a rant, we need a sticky rant thread.
Heres a new thought .. Why not try doing nothing .. andsee what gets done?
I had a friend who used to have everyone helping her all the time. I was always a energetic person that did everything pretty much myself by my own sweat and my own resources. This is just how I do things. After observing this person and also a few other friends I know I started asking myself why am I busting my butt when I could do what these other people do?
First I'm not good at acting helpless and I hate being that way so I have to modify this to suit myself too.
Anyway thats what Im doing is nothing .. I think.. but it's too early to see any results yet...
I had a friend who used to have everyone helping her all the time. I was always a energetic person that did everything pretty much myself by my own sweat and my own resources. This is just how I do things. After observing this person and also a few other friends I know I started asking myself why am I busting my butt when I could do what these other people do?
First I'm not good at acting helpless and I hate being that way so I have to modify this to suit myself too.
Anyway thats what Im doing is nothing .. I think.. but it's too early to see any results yet...
Great Thread.
I didn't read everything the OP posted but I'll go back.
I think my "problem" has been, I was trying for all the wrong reasons.
Reasons to satisfy my ego and not my soul.
At first, my intention and purpose in life was closely connected to what I'd like to believe is a search for that higher consciousness.
However, I became very jaded.
And, my trying became more about survival than sustenance.
I would like to believe that my latest depressive episode (season, more like it), has been a very painful wake-up call and reminder to get back to that place.
I was still on the dark side (heehee), a deep thinker, and philosophizer...but I at least had hope.
And, my black and white thinking gets the best of me sometimes and is difficult to regulate. It was nice to have a special someone point it out to me as I did to him. But, I know it is important that I do this on my own.
When I no longer try, it is a familiar, comfortable, and safe cesspool of nothingness. No more failures but no more joy, either. And, I so desperately want to have joy in my life again. However fleeting. But, of course, true, sincere joy.
I also want to help other people and having that higher purpose motivated me and is my passion. I know I can't save the world but maybe I can help a few people along my path.
I didn't read everything the OP posted but I'll go back.
I think my "problem" has been, I was trying for all the wrong reasons.
Reasons to satisfy my ego and not my soul.
At first, my intention and purpose in life was closely connected to what I'd like to believe is a search for that higher consciousness.
However, I became very jaded.
And, my trying became more about survival than sustenance.
I would like to believe that my latest depressive episode (season, more like it), has been a very painful wake-up call and reminder to get back to that place.
I was still on the dark side (heehee), a deep thinker, and philosophizer...but I at least had hope.
And, my black and white thinking gets the best of me sometimes and is difficult to regulate. It was nice to have a special someone point it out to me as I did to him. But, I know it is important that I do this on my own.
When I no longer try, it is a familiar, comfortable, and safe cesspool of nothingness. No more failures but no more joy, either. And, I so desperately want to have joy in my life again. However fleeting. But, of course, true, sincere joy.
I also want to help other people and having that higher purpose motivated me and is my passion. I know I can't save the world but maybe I can help a few people along my path.
Ok. To an extent I agree with you but it's funny...there's always a way to rise above the crap and ignorant pricks to find other souls that feel, think, and live the same way you do. Believe in it. Or not. I enjoy solitude and may end up being a Buddhist monk, anyways. He he he.
I completely understand where you are coming from. And, I experienced what was called a "dark night of the soul" (look it up, if you don't know what that is. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it.)
I felt like I couldn't "take" it anymore...all the bullshit (in a nutshell) and was better off "escaping" than continue to feel dead inside.
I would rather be physically dead than soul dead, really.
Yet, it's your "choice" and it's your "time". I can't fully explain my process or give you a map because my map won't work for you. You have to draw your own map. All I know is that I couldn't "leave" because I knew it would devastate my family and I would forever feel guilty for that. But the way I was living was causing them pain, too. So, I kept searching and searching. I still am but I tell you, these days I have been feeling so much lighter.
I won't ever become "ignorant" to this 3D world because the work I have passion for deals with the dark side of human nature but I know now that I do not have to absorb the pain/negative energy of others and let it affect me. I can still help others while remaining strong and light inside.
We can't change all the ignorant pricks in the world but here's a quote that might sum up my otherwise long-winded explanation:
"In the eyes of love, everyone is doing the best they can @ their own levels of consciousness." ~ Deepak Chopra
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes love the idea of being like Dexter esp. when I hear stories like PA state's Sandusky but after the initial cry spell and anger I feel, I have hope that his victims have healed and are helping others out there. I still would like to fantasize about being an assassin but I try really hard to return to love. Because in the end, love is the end. cheekkiss
I completely understand where you are coming from. And, I experienced what was called a "dark night of the soul" (look it up, if you don't know what that is. I'd be interested to hear your thoughts on it.)
I felt like I couldn't "take" it anymore...all the bullshit (in a nutshell) and was better off "escaping" than continue to feel dead inside.
I would rather be physically dead than soul dead, really.
Yet, it's your "choice" and it's your "time". I can't fully explain my process or give you a map because my map won't work for you. You have to draw your own map. All I know is that I couldn't "leave" because I knew it would devastate my family and I would forever feel guilty for that. But the way I was living was causing them pain, too. So, I kept searching and searching. I still am but I tell you, these days I have been feeling so much lighter.
I won't ever become "ignorant" to this 3D world because the work I have passion for deals with the dark side of human nature but I know now that I do not have to absorb the pain/negative energy of others and let it affect me. I can still help others while remaining strong and light inside.
We can't change all the ignorant pricks in the world but here's a quote that might sum up my otherwise long-winded explanation:
"In the eyes of love, everyone is doing the best they can @ their own levels of consciousness." ~ Deepak Chopra
Don't get me wrong, I sometimes love the idea of being like Dexter esp. when I hear stories like PA state's Sandusky but after the initial cry spell and anger I feel, I have hope that his victims have healed and are helping others out there. I still would like to fantasize about being an assassin but I try really hard to return to love. Because in the end, love is the end. cheekkiss
Hahaha, I know that thought all too well. :rolleyes: I'm sure you've been reminded of your black and white thinking (?).
There is definitely a happy medium. Yet, it depends. One might have to make some major changes (like moving and such.). I assume that your have rather deep, substantial interests so that can always be an environment to start.
Trust me, I get it. There are certain hobbies I enjoy but just b/c I enjoy them doesn't mean I really fit into the culture of it.
It's just like Groucho Marx's saying: "I wouldn't be part of a group that has me as a member." Or something like that.
In my experience, all my soulmates are very similar in that we all never fit snuggly into a group, either. That's what's so cool.
You can find those people. We're not clones or anything but definitely enlightened enough to see the similar foundations and appreciate our differences.
"We know too much, think too much than most but hey, we also can appreciate the ABSURDITY of this 3D world, too." :sparkle:
There is definitely a happy medium. Yet, it depends. One might have to make some major changes (like moving and such.). I assume that your have rather deep, substantial interests so that can always be an environment to start.
Trust me, I get it. There are certain hobbies I enjoy but just b/c I enjoy them doesn't mean I really fit into the culture of it.
It's just like Groucho Marx's saying: "I wouldn't be part of a group that has me as a member." Or something like that.
In my experience, all my soulmates are very similar in that we all never fit snuggly into a group, either. That's what's so cool.
You can find those people. We're not clones or anything but definitely enlightened enough to see the similar foundations and appreciate our differences.
"We know too much, think too much than most but hey, we also can appreciate the ABSURDITY of this 3D world, too." :sparkle:
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