So it's been summer for a month and I'm not going to say I don't like the time off, because I do. The only thing I've been thinking about is life in general and how it all sucks but yeah, you know that story....
So I stay in my room because I don't like the people I live with and the world bores me, so I've been on the computer which is driving me mad.
I had to go to the doctor the other day to get my ear checked for an infection because if felt like it and my mom asked me if there was anything else I should consult my doctor with other than my ear infection. Me never telling my mother about my grand scheme to kill myself or anything of the sort said "yeah, I've been feeling down lately." She said I should speak to him about it. I said sure, whatever. So I got there and I've had this doctor since the day I was born asked if there was anything else I would like to talk about before the appointment was over. I looked at him dead-faced and motionless for about 30 seconds before I said "nope". I froze. I fucking froze. The only way for me to get help, and I blew it. I don't want to go back, it would be too much.
My thoughts are running ramped with reasons to kill myself. Currently the cons of living outweigh the pros of living. Am I pessimist? Probably.
Today I decided to tell the only person in the world I actually can talk to (my best friend) that I tried killing myself and I've been feeling suicidal for months now. His response: How selfish. And proceeded to tell me about how he would be devastated if I decided to die. I'm sitting there thinking "It's my fucking choice."
So now the only place I have to talk is this forum witch provides little to no support for me at all. I can't really see myself returning to school next semester. Not with the way things have been going, no........
So I stay in my room because I don't like the people I live with and the world bores me, so I've been on the computer which is driving me mad.
I had to go to the doctor the other day to get my ear checked for an infection because if felt like it and my mom asked me if there was anything else I should consult my doctor with other than my ear infection. Me never telling my mother about my grand scheme to kill myself or anything of the sort said "yeah, I've been feeling down lately." She said I should speak to him about it. I said sure, whatever. So I got there and I've had this doctor since the day I was born asked if there was anything else I would like to talk about before the appointment was over. I looked at him dead-faced and motionless for about 30 seconds before I said "nope". I froze. I fucking froze. The only way for me to get help, and I blew it. I don't want to go back, it would be too much.
My thoughts are running ramped with reasons to kill myself. Currently the cons of living outweigh the pros of living. Am I pessimist? Probably.
Today I decided to tell the only person in the world I actually can talk to (my best friend) that I tried killing myself and I've been feeling suicidal for months now. His response: How selfish. And proceeded to tell me about how he would be devastated if I decided to die. I'm sitting there thinking "It's my fucking choice."
So now the only place I have to talk is this forum witch provides little to no support for me at all. I can't really see myself returning to school next semester. Not with the way things have been going, no........