why was i able to open my eyes today?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by guage, Feb 8, 2013.

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  1. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    I just joined this site mainly cause I finally found it and am hoping it helps the darkness recede. I spent two hours this morning typing a thread and I guess admins chose not to allow it , but what eves, im pretty use to not being heard now a days, probably due to my growing passive aggressiveness. I have had thoughts of this since I was five , wow , I should have done it so long ago. Now 30 years later am still struggling with it day by day. Why must it come to be doing it , I have done so many things to put me in a position where it would not be left in my hands, but here I am still able to open my eyes and breathe. I have made two plans in the past and when the time came gave in to my fear and hope that there was a positive solution. Each Tim let back down. I'm so tired of being able to open my eyes and see myself breathe. I help others as much as possible but can't and don't even care to try and help myself anymore. Its pointless. Everything is . Every single decision I have ever made has been wrong. Ok starting to get all emo so I think I'll stop it here before I just start rambling . Any suggestions that could help would be appreciated. Oh and don't say pills or therapy dine that still in that , not helping.......
     
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    Re the thread you took two hours to write - mods mark and often give a reason if they delete anything. Write to them and ask why.
    It is anything but pointless to try to help yourself. Many of us find it difficult to believe it possible or to know how to start. But that's the reason we came here just as you did. Perhaps you could consider what you want to change or achieve first. Then look at small steps towards that goal. Hugs, Thea
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I did not see a thread hun you started i have looked even to see if one was on modification but no im sorry youare feeling not heard You like many find it easier to reach out to help others but when it comes to ourselves for some reason we feel we are undeserving of that kindness. Your decision to come here was not wrong hun you are being heard and i certainly understand Please keep posting ok and go to chat to talk to others who yes like you struggle to care for themselves hugs
     
  4. guage

    guage Well-Known Member

    Why does everything seem so dismal and pointless ? Thank ya'll for the support. It is duly noted.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It seems that way because you are depressed t hat is what depression does hun make everything seem pointless and dismal and gray
     
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