Why was I born with this kind of brain?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by nicesinging1, Dec 5, 2009.

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  1. nicesinging1

    nicesinging1 Well-Known Member

    First of all, I apologize if my post sounds like venting. But I am sometimes so frustrated and tired of putting up with my brain that is so uniquely wired in its way that I had to push through numerous obstacles, depression, anxieties, PTSDs and suicidal feelings.
    Of course, I try my best to make the most of the most important organ in my body. I give a damn about my life, try to make the best decisions every day, fight my hardest against all the temptations in the world, and try to push myself to the limit every day.
    It might be petty thing to mention, but if I was really half-hearted or didn't give a damn about life, I wouldn't wake up at 4:30AM every day, especially on weekends. I would sleep through till 10, 11 AM with no concern about personal discipline and consequences.
    At the same time, I can't stop but wonder, "What on earth was I given this kind of brain for? All I want is a normal brain, normal life, and normal obstacles. Nothing extraordinary. Just average life."
    I am tired of making the most of my brain and my life situation.
    Can anyone share his/her story if you feel my dilemma?
    Thanks in advance for any insights.

  2. Chargette

    Chargette Well-Known Member

    I was born depressed. I was always a step or two behind everyone else. Repeated trauma made it more and more difficult over the years and I'm now worn down to not being able to work.

    I do a lot of crochet and knitting these days.

  3. OverShadow

    OverShadow Guest

    Why were you born with such a terribly unique brain?

    An excellent question. As we don't share our consciousness and memories with everyone around us, that makes us all unique, in one way or another - although I've found in my travels a few similar people with similar beliefs about life because we had similar backgrounds, so while you may have unique aspects, you probably aren't as unique as you think :: no offense.

    As a personal story, I have been purposefully trying to be unique, and unintentionally as well, since middle school. What I mean by unique, I would say relates more to a controlled state of craziness; I wrote notes on the weirdest things(why human beings have 5 fingers, making up funny fake religions and writing their backstory[I wrote a funny one based on the origin story of the original power rangers lol]), I talked with unique words that no one uses in excessive amounts(Diabolical, something something OF DOOM, Touche etc), limited my Facebook friends to only those I ACTUALLY care about instead of just trying to have everyone whose name I can remember on my list, became fakely obsessed with wearing hats(even when it wasn't PC) and so on.on the unintentional side, I am about 100 pounds overweight, so I've been separated from a majority of my peers in that way, and have attempted suicide a grand total of 3 times(2 SHOULD have worked, but I somehow survived - the third I chickened out), which further removed me from being "normal."

    Its actually rather ironic that you have this post up, as I have recently started a form of self-administered rehab to attempt to become more "normal" - stopping the use of oddball words, no more wacky notes, no more crazy antics, etc. Essentially, trying to imitate my close friends' take on life. The reason its ironic though, is because in my efforts to be "normal," I find myself still unhappy, if not even more so, which is why I have landed on this forum.

    While my unhappiness may be caused by my circumstances(which are pretty epically bad), I'm not so sure you would find your happiness by becoming normal - I actually have listened to distant friend, who I though was as normal as you could get(Cheerleader in HS, top of the graduating class, almost out of college to become a teacher etc) who isn't happy with her own life, when I don't see any logical reason for her to be.

    Perhaps what we all need to REALLY do is just accept who we are, find the love of ourselves that we have been lacking, and move forward.

    Of course, easier said than done.

    Also, I like writing - so beware of my WALL OF TEXT!!! :-D
  4. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I learned today in my infant development class that infants can be diagnosed with depression as early as 4 months. :/ kinda sad
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