Why Why Why, everything is meant to be fine

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by cayzira, Oct 11, 2007.

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  1. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    Why do I still have to do this to myself?

    Everything worked out, everything is good. So why, why, why ,why! What the fuck messed me up so badly? I don't even know.

    Haven't cut badly in a while, thats good, I know, but I WANT to. I racking up 8 or 9 cigg burns a day. They started on my arm, but now I going back to my hands again, that way I can't do anything without hurting more.

    I'm messing with my meds again, and I know I'll end up on another OD. I wanted to last night, and I still want to now. The only reason I took them this morning is because I know Alex is struggling, and I need to stay strong so I can help her.

    I want to cut, ok. Is that so bad? It's my fucking life. It's all that works, It's the only thing thats always been there for me. All the shit, all the therapy, it's made it worse.

    Fuck it! All I want is cuts again, it's been so long. Nothing else is the same, burns help, but cuts just.. I don't even know, I jsut want to ok
  2. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    It's not bad that you want to cut, it's understandable, it is an addiction, it's hard to stop thinking about it and hard to stop the urges. Don't mess with your meds, I presume they're inplace to help you through this.
  3. wanttodie

    wanttodie Well-Known Member

    First off try to stop cutting yourself ..yea, it is hard... but there are some ways not so "harmful" for yourself for obtaining the same result..it's not improving anything..its only making things worse.
  4. cayzira

    cayzira Well-Known Member

    It's hard, cos most days I still think of suicide, cutting helps take it away. I know that if I stop cutting it'll be worse, and I'll end up doing something, and I can't do that to Alex.

    Cuts slowly getting worse again, and still messing with meds. It dosen't matter if there in place to help me, because they don't work, it helps more to mess with them.
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