why is the pain never-ending? why is it that no matter how hard i try i f***ng fail? why am i so hidious and ugly that no one one wants me? why do i have to be disabled, sickly and worthless? why does the one i love have to be out of reach? why do i not care if ive eaten today? why is it the one thing that keeps me alive, is the thing that is killing me? why cant my family accept that i love who i love? why do i live in perpetual fear of being abandoned? why cant i just let go and move on? why does everyone around me sleep soundly while i lay awake crying alone? why cant i stop the excruciating pain im feeling? why are the people who are supposed to love us the ones to hurt us worse? why did i not get to say goodbye to my dad? Why does people i trust end up betraying mine? why am i so cold i cant feel anything? why do i exist when there is no obvious reason for me to? why did i ever believe that love existed for me? why cant i get you out of my head? why cant i breathe without you? why cant i exist if you arent existing with me? why is my life in a crisis constantly, dont i deserve peace? why am i even bothering to post this?