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why why WHY

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by FallingLeaf, Nov 2, 2008.

  1. FallingLeaf

    FallingLeaf Member

    I transferred schools this year and am living at home this semester while I get my bearings at school. Problem is, I'm not getting my bearings at school, and living at home again is DRIVING ME INSANE.

    The plan was that my mother would be living in California with my dad. She was out there for awhile but when he started working overtime, she came back home. And now all I hear about is how lazy I am and never do antyhing right.

    I'm 20 years old and a college student with a job (well, the season ended last night, so not anymore, I guess). Plus I have the flu right now, so I'm not exactly a chipper charlie in the doing things department.

    I KNOW I'm depressed and stupid and annoying and mean. I know I yell when I get mad and I know I'm a horrible person. But to have my mother and sister CONSTANTLY telling me this, it's just getting so horrible. I can't take it much longer. I don't eat anymore, my ED has come back in full force (10 lbs in a week so far, though I've gained a bit back in the past 2 days since I've been so out of it I'm not sure exactly what I've eaten, not eaten, or purged). I just can't fucking do this! I know I'm a fatass fucking failure with nothing to do in my life. I know I'm lazy and horrible and stupid. But to have it constantly driven into my head by someone that loves me...

    I don't know where I'm going with this or why I'm posting this. I took some sleeping pills earlier and drank some wine (stupid, I know) and am about to pass out but I needed to vent and remembered the SF so I came here because I hoped it was a place I could vent where people would understand.

    I move onto campus (hopefully, oh god hopefully) next semester, and if things don't start looking up or they can't get me a room in one of the reshalls I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate myself so much already, but having other people hating me, having no friends on campus since I'm never there unless I'm in class, having all of my friends so far away, having no social life, wanting to die all of the time....it's all crashing down and turning in to shit.

    Sorry. I'm so out of it right now, I shouldn't be posting this. =(
  2. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    It can be hard being a young adult and wanting all the frredoms that come with it while still being dependent on your family. Hopefully you will be able to get a room on campus and can hang on until then. Maybe you could see if there are any students looking for roommates off campus if nothing is available in the residence halls. You mentioned the season being over so you are currently out of a job. Will you look for another? Don't let them get to you. Your mom must not remember what it was like to be a young adult. :hug:
  3. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    Family makes everyone crazy.

    I was very glad to escape. Very, very glad.