Why won't my friends accept my self harm issues?

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by radical__rachel, Jun 16, 2009.

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  1. radical__rachel

    radical__rachel New Member

    My "friends" are constantly telling me that cutting is immature, and that people only do it for attention. whenever they forcefully (not under my control) lift up my sleeve and see new cuts, they yell at me and say really mean things then ignore me for a few days. i don't get why the don't just accept it. arent they like supposed to actually want to help?
    whenever one of them says anything about "emo" people cutting, or just say something extreemely harsh to people with these kind of issues, it makes me want to scream to them a huge rant. but no, i always end up the one just starting to cry.
    any comments on this?
  2. Ash7614

    Ash7614 Active Member

    This is something I'd also like to hear people's comments/advice on.

    My friends say it's because they care and it makes them angry to see me hurt myself but the way they say these things certainly doesn't make it seem this way.

    I don't expect them to accept it but it doesn't help to be put down about it
  3. thedeafmusician

    thedeafmusician Staff Alumni

    Maybe they do care, but don't know what to do and so just do what's the easiest (for them... by ignoring you)?? I don't know your friends so only you can make a judgement on that.

    It's for this reason that I've never actually told my friends about my self harming. I'druther not hear what they have to say on it.

  4. pisces

    pisces New Member & Antiquities Friend

    My daughter cut herself a few years ago, there was an awful lot going on at the time,when i found this out i thought it was her way of saying she wasn't happy and needed more of our attention because at that time my husband and i were focusing our attention on our son who is a heroin addict.I know when i found out what my daughter had been doing it frightened me,maybe thats the same with your friends,people dont always know how to cope or help in these situations and sometimes express themselves badly.
  5. hardcore

    hardcore Well-Known Member

    The problem is they do not understand. They can only see cutting one way because they have never been there. I find that most people act this way. Very few people are supportive in a positive way because how are they supposed to know what to do or how to feel. I remember that along time ago one of my friend showed me his cuts and I just told him he should stop. Then ignored it. I did that because I didn't understand. Things that you don't understand are very easy to ignore or react to negatively. I try to find people who understand and who don’t run away from me. I dont want to pretend im normal anymore. The only way to solve this problem is education and not news specials that warn parents of cutting and huffing. Something that puts it from our point of view.
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Most people don't understand, or don't even try. The topic of self-harm tends to scare most people, to the point where it's almost like they don't know how to respond.
  7. aoeu

    aoeu Well-Known Member

    It's scary. They can't possibly understand unless they do it...

    Hell, I don't even understand it, and I spend a lot of my time on SF, and when my friends self-harm i do basically anything I can to stop them... I think they're trying to punish you so try to prevent it, which isn't constructive, but possibly the best they can think up.
  8. jameslyons

    jameslyons Well-Known Member

    Hi Rachel,

    I find the best option is to be honest with yourselves and others. Yes you self injure, no, you don't do it for attention. However, some people will never understand even if you speak until you're blue in the face. I wrote a really long essay on it once and my family said, " James you overthink things." LOL. It was so annoying! Even the articles on Self Injury have negative tones toward the act. It's really difficult to find a good article that really articulates the ideas behind acts of self injury.

    Now there's always going to be the issues of scars that we have to deal with. I say just be honest when people ask, and try to illuminate the reasons behind the behavior while keeping yourself ready for negative reactions. The fact is, your friends don't self injure, neither are they a member of a self- injury community. As such it's taboo and scary for them. Sometimes I compare the scars to Tattoos in hopes of explaining the idea behind it.
  9. grinded serenity

    grinded serenity Well-Known Member

    my friends dont accept my self harming either, the 3 that actually know try to help me, cept for one, when in reality its the only thing that really does help me deal with my current situation. one (which has been my friend for nearly 4 years now (bff)) tells me im heading for a break down and that i need to stop. another one is trying to actually help me by councelling me (x-rehab councelor / junkie himself) another one self harms too and doesnt say anything about it, which is good. what is hipocritical is that my bff tells me not to do it because its just a cover for my problems, then she turns around and drinks/does drugs and doesnt eat because it hurts (obviously also self harming)

    when somebody says cutting is for emos and for attention seekers, it just makes me want to hurt somebody. its just ignorant to say something like that. when you look at me the last thing you would expect to see out of me is cutting myself, because i look like a happy guy, with a good family. but nope, i usually end up at the end of the day staring at blood dripping down my leg and licking razors clean.

    your friends might be dealing with it like that because they know nothing about it. if they had the slightest knowledge of the subject they would know just to leave you alone about it and letting just one person try to help you, because having your friends yell at you and ignoring you is only going to make you want to cut more. and a point.. if they think your such an attention seeker, then why are they forcefully pulling up your sleeves to see your cuts when if, in reality you were an attention seeker you would be going up to them and saying "HEY LOOK! I HURT MYSELF!"

    ignorance is a dangerous thing.. tell your "friends" they need to back off and mind there own.
  10. Ash7614

    Ash7614 Active Member

  11. Ðisturbed03

    Ðisturbed03 Member

  12. Xaos

    Xaos Well-Known Member

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    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 20, 2009
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