why won't they hear me?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by lost_child, Jan 30, 2009.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Back here again, overdosed again, don't seem to be able to stop taking tablets have told the shrink who might as well have laughed in my face. I need help, they not listening, I had to have tests to check my liver and kidney today, my chest hurts all the time, I'm either being sick or feel sick, I have cramping pains all day in my stomach, my sides hurt...so why do I keep taking tablets?

    I should be at the hospital now, but what is the point for them to attach me to a drip, ask me if I will do it again and if I will be safe tonight, yes of course 2nite I will be safe, but tomorrow I will probably do it again, I will take another <mod edit-methods>, maybe more. I will continue to take the tablets, Its got to the point I don't even know why I'm doing it. Do I want to die, yes because I'm not being heard, i'm shouting but nobody is listening, at least that's how it feels....

    my cpn told me, that people have and had it worse then me, which i am more then aware off, and feel guilty about everyday and all she done was add some more guilt.

    I've had enough of people not listening just because I don't sit there and cry, if I cried they would probably here me, but because I don't.....oh it can't be that bad.

    Maybe once I'm dead they may realise that actually things were tough, that i was struggling, that I was reaching out and being pushed away.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 30, 2009
  2. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    hi. :sad: i feel so sad with and for you - you are in so much pain.
    i wish i could just come over and sit with you.

    i do know how it feels to want to die. but i don't know your particular issues.

    probably i am a lot older than you - i've managed to hang on and start over, several times.

    wish i could do something. if you need to talk i am around quite a bit. and i just want you to know that i care about you - and my heart is breaking FOR you. so stay here - any person who can feel such a deep level of pain - has an equally deep level of love to offer the world. . . . we would be lesser, without you. for sure. :hug:
  3. Milton

    Milton Well-Known Member

    I guess it's not really as simple as this (when is it ever?) but if they're not listening to you, shout louder. Or find different people to shout at. Or get other people to help you shout.

    When they ask you if you'll be ok for the night, do you point out that it's only a temporary state of ok? Might be worth it, if you don't.
  4. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Please don't take all those pills Jody. :sad: Your poor liver and kidneys can't possibly take much more before they just shut down. I'm sorry that it seems like people aren't listening to you hun, but we are listening to you. Please don't give up. :hug:
  5. porcelain child

    porcelain child Well-Known Member

    I don't cry when i am with my CPN and that is cos i was forbidden to cry since i was younger so now i don't cry and that doesn't mean that you are not struggling...

    Hunni why put yourself through that just to prove to them you are struggling we don't want you to die... you got a future ahead of you...

    Can you ask for a new CPN...

  6. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    hey j am glad to see you posting xx
    you know i will listen to you and others here will. you need to really vocalise to the cpn and hosp and if you cannot take someone there who can.
    i think actually there has been a major shift in you.. you are now saying you ARE asking for help... before you didnt care enough to. that is AMAZING in itself.. an i will keep text nagging you :) i consider you a friend now :)
    do you have anyone to take to the hosp with you in your area? or someone on here who is near you?? i am miles away :(
    please please throw away ALL the pain meds.. your body is starting to suffer badly. is there another hospital you can go to? o you want me to get my cousin on the case? she knows kent very well and has offered to help you if she can. she was high up in social services in kent and knows a lot of people. just let me know.,.
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Jodie,

    I am glad you survived. That's what you are, a survivor.

    Your CPN shouldn't have said that. Even though she is a doctor, she probably doesn't understand what it feels like to be struggling with flashbacks/depression etc.

    Is it possible to get a new CPN? :arms:

    I'm always here for you

    Lynn :heart:
  8. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    cpn here is community psychiatric nurse not dr.. not sure about irish equivalent ? and yea i am sure you are allowed to request a new one, and should if she is that useless...
    please get in touch with MIND j... get an advocate.. or do a google for advocate in your area they will make sure you are heard and are independant

    check these people out please contact them:

    Independent Mental Capacity Advocacy (IMCA)
    Kent and Medway IMCA Service
    Dedicated telephone number: 07918 698107


  9. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

  10. ~Claire

    ~Claire Well-Known Member


    Sending you millions & millions of hugs sweetheart.

    I really really wish I could help take away your pain. Like I've said before please don't give up. Don't let them win.

    Take care of yourself hun, remember...people here want to help you, let them.

    Claire xx
  11. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I don't have anybody close by, I moved away from where I lived all my life in October last year, my family all moved away before then and now live over 2/3 hours away. I've started having nose bleeds now as well as wheezing, struggling to breath, constantly feeling sick, being sick, pains ion my stomach, head, sides, everything hurts....and yet again I still take the tablets, maybe there is part of me that really does want to die, but a painful death, otherwise I would have stopped wouldn't i.

    Sorry. thank you for your replies, and the links you have givem I will take alook, I doutb I can ask for a new CPN, as that would cause friction I'm sure and i've never been able to do that.. weak and pathetic. sorry
  12. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i will sort you out with a msn meet with my cousin.. she is a lovely person and has offered to help you all she can. i trust her. see what she can do for you ok??
  13. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    "i've never been able to do that.. weak and pathetic. sorry "

    we all have things in life we find hard to do, we all have things that come easy. Different things for different poeple. You are neither weak nor pathetic lost_child. You are one of the most couragous people I've ever known of. I really admire you.
  14. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Ok thank you. Sorry. x

    Thinking I might be past it anyway I've stopped taken my anti-depressants they weren't helping so what is the point so now i've started saving them. I'm a danger to myself, I know what I'm doing but I can't stop. I'm such an idoit.
  15. soliloquise

    soliloquise Well-Known Member

    i wouldnt recommend you stop taking them unless you actually want to feel worse.. the question you have to answer is do you WANT help? if so i can help you , if not i can't :(

    add me on msn


    my cousins on
  16. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    "I'm a danger to myself, I know what I'm doing but I can't stop. I'm such an idoit."

    No, not idiot lost-child, you are no idiot. You are damaged by bastards that deserve dreadful punishments for what they did to you. I fucking hate them, and I hate it that they don't have your pain.
  17. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    Some people survive and others go on to thrieve...I guess i just don't have the motivation to live any longer.

    Sorry. I'm just so tired of fighting the thoughts, of feeling suicidal all the time, not being able to remember when it wasn't so dark, when i enjoyed life..Everything is very empty.
  18. k2hsharpe

    k2hsharpe Antiquities Friend

    there are a lot of people on this forum thinking of you lost_child, sending out love and wishing Heart's Ease for you. Please hold to this thought if you can.
  19. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    you are in no way....bad. you have been damaged. you have a beautiful soul inside of you - surrounded by layers and layers of pain. i believe inside you have the strength to get through this - you have a purpose to be here on the planet. you are not an accident....if you leave here. . . there will be something less, in all of life.

    because each person has a chance to add their own beauty to the world.

    my heart breaks to see you in such pain and i wish i could just take it away.
    i cannot. but. i have a prayer that you will get through this seemingly impossible journey- and emerge as a butterfly - here. to be happy, here. to have a life of peace. here. and doing something you love to do with someone you love being with. here. not dead. not gone. not absent from our presence.
    but here.
    we are all here - we're not going anywhere, so you need to stay here with us. :hug:
  20. Epical Taylz

    Epical Taylz Well-Known Member

    :hug: I'm here for you, we all are.
    Please continue to fight.

    I wish I had more to say..
    Just know that I'm here for you hunny :hug:
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