in a few weeks my dad's coming down to edinburgh to take me home and i don't wanna go. and then in the summer they're gonna send me away to stay with some relatives. i just wanna stay alone in edinburgh all summer and get my head together. is that so wrong? and the way they talk it;s like my whole summers been planned out by them without me having a say. i was really looking forward my summer and now they've just gone and fucked it all up. and the way they talked it's like they don't even know who i am anymore. i'm so upset in tears ahhhhhhhhh for fuck sake. I DON'T WANNA GO HOME. i'm scared what i'll do to myself over the next few weeks. all last night i couldn't sleep and i had a feeling of wantidng to cut mfyself. i spent so long in the shower this morning coz i felt so unclean. why did this have to happen. i've been feeling much better the last few days coz of what i thought lay ahead this summers andk now itls oall fuckng ruined.