Why won't they let me die?

I am tired of this bs! I should be locked up or dead, but they want me to be a monster. They don't want to help me. They just want to ignore me, and turn me into a bigger monster. They want to build up the anger and regret, and sadness with alienation. I hate them. Just help me die! I'm tired of this stupid game. There is no point. I have no point, and the only point I had is gone. She is gone and I can never see her again. Dying is the only thing that makes sense.... It's the only thing that seems right. If there is a higher power, then I hope he takes pity on me and strikes me down with a bolt of lightening right now.

 

Who is she, and why is she gone?

And, why would you rather be locked up?

And, who are "they"?

Sorry for all the questions, I just want to understand.

Take care,

IWTB

 

I wish I could tell you it gets better. I wish I could tell you that there is a reason for life. I wish I could tell you you are here for a special reason. That is what people tell me. I don't believe it for me. However maybe it is true for you. Maybe you have a special purpose. People will miss you if something happens to you. You touch others lives willing or not.

My suggestion is sleep on it. Go to sleep and hope to dream. Dream of dreams without pain. Dream of dreams with hope and happiness. Maybe you can carry a memory of those dreams into your waking world. Good luck.

 

akaangela, who says your life has no purpose? Your message moved me, the way you describe your pain. There is always a purpose, see?

And I think, by the way you talk of it, that you know what carrying good dreams into your waking world is. There were times when that's all I had for a very long time. Strange to think that your dreams are what could keep you alive. Getting a lifeline from the world of dreams sounds somewhat strange for those who haven't experienced it.

Take care, and talk to you soon!

 

Her name is Vianney, and she is gone forever. There is no point without her, and she hated me before the accident. It's the only way I can fix things, and prove I loved her. I have to die. It's the only way to atone for being a monster. For changing her by becoming a depressed, and insane person. For pushing her away, and for making her go away. She was/is my only love. The only person I ever loved.

1. I could stop the pain if an afterlife does not exist. Everyone will be happy with me gone.
2. If we can reincarnate then maybe I can come back and we can find each other again, but this time things will work out.
3. If there is an afterlife, then maybe she will be part of my own personal paradise. We can be friends for eternity.

 

Have you tried taklking to her.. From the way it sounds is she went unwillingly.. That you pushed her away..Maybe she still loves you.. Commiting suicide is now way to show her you love her.. You need to live and communicate with her..