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why would she do that to me?!

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by hunter77, Jul 11, 2012.

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  1. hunter77

    hunter77 Member

    does anyone know what causes people to rape other people? it confuses me! i mean im still trying to figure out why my own sister would rape me when i was 5 years old! Im not feeling any sypethy for myself by the way. i prob deserved it thou. im also wondering why my therapists and parents would just look the other way after i told them. its like they didnt even care. i told people i was close to (two people) and they just dont care..thats the point i noticed that nobody truely cared about me. thank you for letting me share. i just had to get that off my chest, cuz im going thru too much right now and im needing help
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I doubt it's that they don't care.
    When I finally told of the abuse by my grandfather it was kind of shoved under the carpet. not because they didn't care (though ignoring it is the worst thing a parent can do), it was their inability to deal with the revelation.
    Confront your therapist on his/her lack of reaction.
  3. Jaimeisbroken

    Jaimeisbroken Well-Known Member

    First I want to say that I am very sorry that happened to you. No one deserves to be treated that way. I am with Terry, you may need to ask your therapist for additional support in regards to what happened to you. Explain that it feels as if NO ONE CARES. Give them the opportunity to show they care. I could tell you all day long that the people in your life care about what happened to you, but the reality is until you feel as though they care it really doesn't matter if they do or not. I suspect they do care but sometimes it is hard to see how much someone else cares because we so often want to blame ourselves and even look for ways to punish ourselves out of self-retribution for that self blame. About the only thing we can do is be kind and gentle with ourselves and try to trust in those who say they care. I think in times like this it is important for you to HEAR them SAY "I CARE ABOUT YOU". If you can't hear them saying it, you may need to let them know that you need to hear it. So often people from the outside looking in are blinded by ignorance and they simply are unaware of how much support we need.

    FYI, I CARE.
  4. house_atraides

    house_atraides Active Member

    This is something that confused me too. I never had someone do this to me but know countless people who had to deal with being hurt like that. My girlfriend has been tortured by her friends former step dad molesting her. Not only did this guy molest my girlfriend at the age of 8 but he raped his stepdaughter for years. My girlfriend confessed this event to me right off the bat because she knows I only want to help. The sad thing is that her friend just recently informed my girlfriend. The friend just drinks to kill the pain. I was really angry and my girlfriends parents for letting this guy get away with what he did, and I was upset at her friend for not finding a way to put him behind bars. I just came to the conclusion that people are really afraid of the truth sometimes and even people who know it's happening just get to afraid to voice concern. The truth will always remain the same hunter. What happened to you was not ok, will never be ok and was not your fault. I'm sure these people care, its a REALLY serious issue. They might not know how to voice it.
  5. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I will never understand what goes through the mind of a rapist or molestor either. It can't just be a need for sex... I probably know more than anyone how bad the need for sex can feel, but I never once considered trying to force myself on another person. There is nothing sexy about that, that is not at all about satisfying sexual urges. The only thing I can think of that would motivate them to do something like that is a desire to use, abuse and control someone.

    Like the others said, I'm guessing that the people you've told don't really know how to deal with it. I've found that a lot of people have a tendency to shut down when faced with an issue that they find overwhelming. None of it is your fault, though. You deserve sympathy and understanding for what you went through. We all care, it does matter, and you did not deserve to have that happen to you.
  6. red ribbons

    red ribbons Well-Known Member

    Rape has nothing to do with sex. It is about controlling another person and violence from a sick mind.

    To Daniel Tosh: There is nothing funny in a 'joke' about rape. Rape is a crime against men, women and children. It is a violent sadistic act and frequently ends in death for the victim so the rapist can go on and do it to someone else and cover up his crime. It's as tasteless as all the suicide 'jokes' out there. Malicious 'jokes' at the expense of victims. People should shut up if they haven't walked in another's shoes! I think this 'comedian' should be black listed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 12, 2012
  7. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    I find it hard to believe that a therapist wouldn't care unless your sister was a very young child herself, and also depending on the circumstances/what happened. I had this roommate who told me that she also used to do sexual things with a boy at school when she was under 10… we obviously didn't get too in depth about it but she was told that it was actually somewhat normal for kids that age to be doing that kind of thing. If it was an adult/older child and a young child, or if the use of force/violence was involved, then it would be a different story.

    I'm not trying to put you on trial here, I'm just saying that if she didn't know what she was doing either or if there was no force involved, then it's not necessarily 'rape'… which could be why you're getting the reaction you're getting… there's no sense in tearing apart the whole family/wrecking everyone's lives over something that was basically just two kids playing-- and if that's the case, then it's probably not something that you should be dwelling on, because once the victim mentality takes over then you're hopeless.

    But if it is something serious, then it could also be that your friends just don't know how to deal with it… sometimes it can be a lot for someone to handle and they don't want to dwell on these kinds of things…

    If it serious then I'm sorry but it seems like everyone on this site is so eager to offer pity/condolences/empathy that nobody actually stops to think about whether or not it's warranted or will do more harm than good…
  8. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    I kind of have to agree with this, it is somewhat normal for younger kids to experiment... I once walked in on two brothers I knew putting their penises in each other's mouths... normally this might be considered homosexual incest, but they were both too young to know what they were doing... I guess I just assumed that this was something more serious due to the word rape. Rape, as opposed to molestation, generally suggests some sort of unwanted penetration, which could definitely be traumatic even if it was just two kids messing around... and of course it depends on the sister's age at the time too, whether or not she was old enough to know that what she was doing was wrong. I had considered this possibility, but I didn't want to belittle somebody's trauma since I don't know the circumstances behind it.
  9. hunter77

    hunter77 Member

    she was 9 at the time but it lasted for years.. when i turned 10 years old she quit (a few months after that). Im pretty sure she knew what she was doing. She was very mature for her age and btw she didnt say "lets fuck" and i say "okay!" it was much different than that! i didnt want to do that cuz i thought girls were gross at that time. dont get me wrong...i love my sister (not the insest way) but she told my parents that i was making all of this up but im not! i mean i wouldnt concider it full on rape but i think it would sorta go in the catagory of it
  10. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    She isn't admitting to it because it's embarrassing, because she's at an age where she finally realizes that doing those things isn't proper behavior. If she 'quit', then it probably means that she finally realized that what she was doing wasn't right and decided to focus her feelings in a more positive direction… it's part of growing up.

    Even if she was 'mature for her age', or if she talked about a lot of things or overheard older kids talking and repeated it, at 9 there's just no way for anyone to understand what they're doing… unless something happened to them too… but even so, it's highly unlikely that she would understand that either.

    Still, if she was 14 and doing it, then maybe she would know that she shouldn't be doing it….

    I think that in order for it to qualify as rape/molestation, there has to be some sort of violence involved, the person doing it has to understand that it's wrong, or there has to be enough of a difference in maturity for it to be exploitation… I don't really know the law, but I'm also pretty sure that you can't charge 9 year olds with rape-- not unless it was a particularly brutal crime. At 14, you're still a minor but I definitely think that you would know what you're doing so I don't know… if it's really bothering you or it's ruining your life, then you might need to talk about it, but again, I can't see any good coming out of tearing apart your family, because even at 14 you're still just a kid.

    It's a complicated thing.
  11. hunter77

    hunter77 Member

    I see where ur coming from but I'm not trying to get her charge and I'm not trying to tear my family apart and I'm not trying to be mean or anything but I ain't telling the whole situation on here. Cuz nobody really cares
  12. sadguy33

    sadguy33 Banned Member

    <Mod Edit, WildCherry>. I don't think one time you said you were trying to charge her or get her thrown in jail. You just want people to recognize its happening and stop her. You should definately try to explain your situation to a therapist and tell them people aren't taking this seriously.
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 16, 2012
  13. TheLoneWolf

    TheLoneWolf Well-Known Member

    Ultimately it doesn't matter why she did it, what matters is how it affected you. It obviously wasn't consensual, so it can't really be viewed as just two kids experimenting. I kind of experimented a little bit myself when I was around that age, but it was always consensual. There's a big difference between two kids saying "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" versus one kid inappropriate touching another without their consent. So maybe she didn't know that what she was doing was wrong, and like you said, you're not trying to get her in trouble for it, but that doesn't mean that you couldn't be traumatized by it. A lot of times, people do bad things to other people without even realizing the harm they're doing. That doesn't mean that nobody cares or that you should just "get over it". Obviously this is something that traumatized you and your family and therapist should be taking it seriously for that reason alone.
  14. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    Maybe not, but I think that your family/therapist might see it that way, which is why they might be acting the way they're acting… among other things, I think.

    It's definitely up to you how you handle it and I'm really not trying to be mean here… I just know that when you're dealing with memories of things that it's all too easy to build them up into something that they're not, or don't have to be… but of course if you're really disturbed by it then you should get help. That's all I'm really saying.
  15. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Hunter. I'm really sorry to hear about the sexual abuse that you suffered at the hands of your older sister. But there are a few things about your story that have me a little confused. Feel free to clarify this if you feel comfortable. To the best of my biological knowledge, 5 year old boys aren't old enough to maintain an erection, so how exactly was she able to rape you? Did she insert objects into you? I don't recall ever having an erection at that age and unless you went through puberty at a really early age, it doesn't really make sense.

    Also, if you knew that it was wrong, then why didn't you tell your parents that your sister is raping you? Is it possible that you felt some pleasure from what your sister was doing to you? Honestly, I believe that some experiences are best left forgotten and this would be one of them.
  16. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hunter, I think that you should talk to your sister about what happened when you were younger. Let her know that what she did was wrong and that she was taking advantage of you. You clearly love her (as a sister) and don't want to have her arrested (though I doubt the cops would even care much less arrest her). Just forget about it and move on with your life. Don't get stuck in the 'victim trap' because that can be a difficult trap to escape from.
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