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Why would this happen?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Witty_Sarcasm, Apr 13, 2013.

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  1. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    This has happened a few times before, but I'm curious if it has happened to anyone else here. What if you were good friends with someone, got along well, never argued and always said kind things to each other....then the friend suddenly starts to ignore you, talk behind your back, be negative towards you, etc. And to your knowledge, you haven't done anything wrong. Then when you confront the person on it, they say nothing has changed, that you are just paranoid or they still keep ignoring you. Why would someone do this? And if it's happened to you, how do you deal with it?
  2. Theodora

    Theodora Well-Known Member

    I had something like this happen last year. A friend suddenly stopped phoning, answering my calls etc. In messages and texts I asked what was wrong to no avail. I think I did or said something to upset her the last time we met but have no idea what it was.
  3. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    The thing is, I don't think I've done anything to upset them, so it really confuses me. But I don't care too much anymore, if they want to handle it that way.
  4. snarrylover

    snarrylover Well-Known Member

    I have done this! Off the top of my head I can recall this happening to me with...oh, about 5 people.

    My constant asking "have I done something wrong?" has only ever served to make it worse. I still don't have a reason to explain it all other than what I can assume - that my depression was scared them away, that I'm out of sight so therefore out of mind, or they have simply just made new friends that they have more in common with.

    I have no idea how to handle this well. Maybe try and ignore the weirdness you feel between the two of you and try and get things back to normal. It could be just a blip in the friendship. Do the things you would have normally have done with this person and see if the weirdness goes away.
  5. Witty_Sarcasm

    Witty_Sarcasm Eccentric writer, general weirdo, heedless heathen

    The thing is, some of the people who have done this to me also have depression and suicidal ideation. So I thought they'd at least understand where I was coming from. But most people, even the ones who seem to have good intentions, take advantage of my kindness. They take what they can get and then leave. They don't need to be there to support me, because they've already gotten what they wanted.
  6. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    yeah that happened to me a few times...and I never knew what happened...I think it depends on what they choose to believe, maybe someone told them something, maybe they are jealous, envious, or they are in a bad mood...

    I know it hurts, and makes you crazy for not knowing (which happened to me) but the best thing is to let it go...and wait for them to come to you...

    one thing I know, is that if you never fight with friends, something is wrong...since we're all unique it's normal to not always agree with one another...it doesn't make it a bad thing...as long as you can respect and love one another for who you are...
  7. PJLane

    PJLane Well-Known Member

    I have had this happen to me quite a few times. I dont really know why it happened. One time a girl just stopped being my friend, starting talking about me behind my back. Never knew why, this was back in high school.
    A few years ago, a friend started being mean to me, didnt want to hang out, ditched me a few times at social events. We reconnected when she sent me an email apologizing, but then a few weeks later it happened again, i tried to confront her and she just ignored me, havent spoken since.
    Another friend and i slowly drifted apart for unknown reasons, not because i wanted that but because she just didnt seem to want to spend as much time with me, went from seeing each other once every 1-2 weeks to once every 3 or so months. I confronted her about it, she got angry at me and stopped speaking to me.

    I havent yet found a way to deal with it, it still breaks my heart. I suppose the lesson, from my perspective, is dont confront them and let them treat you badly. Because if you confront them you will probably lose them for good. Not the best advice, but right now I wish I had 2 shit friends rather than 0 friends.

    So sorry to hear you have to deal with this as well, its always a hard thing to go through. Hope you can find a better outcome than i did.
  8. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    I had this happen once many, many years ago. I don't know why. We were good friends for the most part (not best friends, but good ones) and suddenly just as you described. What I imagine is that someone else you both know has told them something and they, instead of checking on their own, just assumed what they heard was valid and they switched gears and began hating. Way too often people listen to what they hear from others and then they assume that it is true, never going directly to the source to find out if it is really valid or not. Though I can't say for sure, it would be my guess that this is often the cause of what you have described.
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