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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by katrina77, Nov 18, 2012.

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  1. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    I will readily admit to having made mistakes in my life. But I've paid for them, and I've tried to do the right thing, and be there for others. So, why?

    Why has God let the one thing in my life that made it worth living, the one thing I am proud of, the one thing that matters, be destroyed?? I use to want to find a relatively painless, quiet way to die if I ever did do it. Now, I want it messy. Violent. Horrific. Something that makes the police who find my body be sick.

    I am so angry. I've never felt this hopeless before. I'm watching the one person I have ever cared about being taken down. Nothing matters. I want to fucking die. Fuck everything. Fuck life.

    Sorry. I know this isn't pleasant to read. In my "real" life, I have to appear strong, like I'm keeping it together. No one here knows how close i am to losing it. Losing everything, nothing matters. I want to see blood.
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi hun glad you able to vent here let go of some of that dam anger and pain you are feeling. You hun feel hopeless right now but hold on ok hope is there it is just not showing itself right now. Please hun if you feel like youare going to harm yourself then you call a crisis line ok Talk to someone in real life hear that voice of compassion
    Go to hospital and talk to worker there and stay safe hun hugs
  3. pickwithaustin

    pickwithaustin Staff Alumni

    Mistakes are only mistakes when you do not learn from them. Consider these as learning experiences and do not repeat them. By so doing, you will begin to progress to positive outcomes rather than the negatives that have you feeling down.
  4. wecouldfightcrime

    wecouldfightcrime Active Member

    if you need anyone to vent to, please just pm me.
    i really hope you're okay xxxxxxxxxxx
  5. Fleurise

    Fleurise Well-Known Member

    Hi glad to see you are able to vent and let out your feelings here. Don't keep them bottled up too much. Come in here regularly and let go, scream all you like in forums, and then come on in the chat room and let us know that you need to chat.
    You don't have to be strong here, let us do that for you until you feel able.
    I found listening to suggestions has been good. Take what feel relevant and leave the rest.
    Take care
  6. katrina77

    katrina77 Guest

    Thanks to everyone for your replies. I have calmed down a bit. Things got pretty bad there, I have never felt that way before. Something happened to someone I care about, and I just lost it.

    I really appreciate everyone's thoughts and advice. It means a lot to have a place to come to where you can let it out without being judged.

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