I don't know what to do anymore... I have tried everything in my tool box, every trick I know to self soothe and ground. I've tried, God knows I've tried. It has been so long now and my last real hope is fading with the setting sun. I just don't know how to take another minute let alone another hour or day of this fist around my heart and band around my throat. Can't sleep or think or hope right now. I know I'm supposed to be able to ride the waves..to endure..to grin and bear it. But with the resignation that my last hope is probably snuffed out, I just don't have anything left inside. I'm used up and useless. I've never asked, 'why me?' Doesn't even matter really, it just is. But I cannot exist like this anymore. The tears won't even fall down my cheeks, like they are impervious to gravity. Everything is just beyond me, and I have no idea how to even lift my head to see where it has gone. I hurt. I just f-ing hurt. I feel smothered by unshed tears and disillusioned dreams. not why me...just WHY? I honestly can't handle this. I just can't.... I'm sorry. Didn't mean to rant. ...another day without even hearing the sound of my own voice.