I'm sure I'm not the first to ask that question. Why does my life suck? Why am I miserable. Why does this situation have to happen to me. Why do I have to be this way. Why do I have keep going. Do things truly get better? Is life truly worth living? Do I really have to go on? Why am I sitting in my own shit? Why do I do the things I do? Why do I feel this way, or why do I feel nothing at all? Poor me. Fuck everyone. Why do I have to change? Why should I care? Those are the wrong questions. It's easy to rant and rave about how life is so horrible. It's easy to descend into pure rage and hate. It's easy to get wrapped up in my thoughts, forgetting the actions that put me here. It's easy to give up any hope of a future beyond instant gratification. I want what I want and screw everything else. My emotions, my mental illness, that's not a excuse. We all have problems. We all got people that absolutely piss us off. We all got situations in life that terrify us. Fear is a self-defeating emotion. It can drives us to do the very things that make us unhappy. That make us miserable. I can't say to other people that things get better. I can't say to other people that life is worth living. That's up to you to decide. But that's the things. Even when we are rock bottom, when we have lost all hope, when we have lost all reason, when we have lost everything that we worked so hard to get, choice is still there. We make our own decisions. Our problems don't define us, we define them. We can choose to dwell on our past, we can choose to say "fuck it" and destroy ourselves. We choose misery. We choose to be unhappy. We choose to let things get to us. We choose for good or bad the direction our life is heading. Venting is a healthy thing, letting things fester in our own heads is never healthy. It's better to let things out. But without action it's meaningless. We have to want things to get better. I've been so down for so long that it's become comfortable. I'm afraid of the unknown even if that unknown is the very thing that might save me Sometimes we get told things that we don't want to hear. But those things are the very things we NEED to hear. Sympathy doesn't make it better. Sometimes we have to hear from someone us the repercussions of our destructive way of life. It's easy to give reasons why I HAVE to be this way. Why I have to get fucked up. Why I have to be the way I am. I learn things the hard way, but I don't have to. And neither does anyone else.