Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by beefytoes, Feb 1, 2015.

  1. beefytoes

    beefytoes New Member

    I am 20, ever since I came out of psych ward in 2013 I havent been myself, I was in because I had a psychotic episode and took an overdose. I find it hard to open up to anyone I have bottled things up for years. I dont hear things or see anything anymore, Im not suicidal, I am flat, have very little emotion for things, I have lost interest in things I used to love. I cant remember things I used to either its like some things have been wiped. I find it hard to go out by myself especially when its dark. I do get scared quite easily and I dont even like going about the house at night. I am always being asked if im okay or whats wrong by people, I stay quiet alot because I regret things I say or I feel really stupid. Sometimes I feel like bad things are going to happen and its quite intense. When I leave a room with people in it I sometimes think they are talking about me as soon as I leave. Sometimes I feel as som eone is watching me but thats not all the time. My moods change from hyper, quiet, annoyed and angry, sometimes I end up being distant or getting mad with family or friends when they havent done anything wrong. I dont sleep til 3-6am and dont sleep through the day. I feel the same when on antidepressants and antipsychotics and I feel the same when im off them so either way im still the same. I used to selfharm when I was 10 til about 16 and told nobody up until 2013. I havent been diagnosed with anything so I would like to ask if any of this is normal atall or am I still recovering? I have good days and bad days.
  2. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    I am not a doctor so I can't put any diagnosis.

    At least not for this.

    I will say one thing.
    You are now what you are now.
    and I you put our will into it you 'll be what you decide to be.

    We are all different.
    ANd I think people here might understand some of the fear, some of those up and down, some of those worry and this wonder about why we are here ... why should we find something pleasant or interesting.

    For now on don't wonder too much about people around you.

    I think you should focus on yourself and what you want to become.

    This is probably not the answer you wanted.
    For me you are normal for as much as a human being can be normal. Are you happy ... I would say you are not.
    For the society you might be all wrong and disfonctional : depression, unsocial ...

    But most of the time when we ask a question we already have the answer.
    And I think your answer is at least as valuable.

    If you need help ... you're anyway welcome here !
  3. beefytoes

    beefytoes New Member

    Thanks for that. I would love help, I feel drained dealing with everything on my own but I just find it hard to speak up.
  4. Dewonderland

    Dewonderland Well-Known Member

    It's not always easy to speak.
    Sometimes you feel like you can't refrain to let it all out.
    But sometimes it's like the words are stuck in you throat (or in your hand for forums ^_-)

    You can go talk to the others.
    See their post. Go to discover them.
    Helping and being helped. This is how human were meant to exist. As a society caring for each others.
    This is were it's slowly going... but meanwhile, life is sometimes hard.
    I don't know why it's like some people had lost their compassion which is the greatest thing in human nature.

    If you want to talk feel free to do so.
    And don't worry to much about how it is said.

    Now I think you have to start things.
    Did you figure out who you are ? Who you want to be ?
    You don't have to answer here. You can keep it for you if speaking is too hard.
    but don't be either too soft or too hard on you.
    Try to be fair.
    ANd cut you some slack too.
    Usualy people like us are very sever for ourselves.

    Hold on !