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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by dontwanttobeseen, Feb 4, 2015.

  1. The sleepless nights, the pain, stress and anxiety. Everyday putting on the smile that is a lie, spending days trying to hide my face because I am afraid people will know. Trying so hard, giving all i can but finding nothing that can calm my mind, and take away the emptiness. Everything is broken. I just want to walk off, keep my feet moving until im to exhausted to go on and just lay down and be done. Why continue this?
  2. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN SF Author

    Continuing "this" - if this is ceaseless pain and stress and anxiety is, of course, hard to advocate. That is why finding things to lessen the pain, stress and anxiety is so important. Are you seeingg a doctor? What is is that is broken and making you so tired? Maybe we can help thing of some small ways to improve things so you are not so exhausted.

    Take care and stay safe :hug:
  3. finding things to lessen the pain?
    Funny, Ive started a reply to your message multiple times, and just cant get the words out.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    :hug: hope you can talk more about your situation soon.
  5. finding things to lessen the pain? Such as a meaningful job, relationship, bonding with my kids?

    Im in a corporate world that only views me as a number, a means to make more money. I need to do this because I need a way to support myself and kids. So..I put on the fake smile and do what needs to be done.

    I am in a relationship with someone I love dearly, but could never reveal something this dark, it would be over in an instant. My partner always says "your always smiling and have such a positive attitude" Its a lie, Im afraid to be alone and have very severe separation anxiety. So...I put on the fake smile and do what needs to be done.

    Kids, they are caught up in the materialistic values of their mother, I talk to them constantly and try to tell them that those things will go away and all that will be left are people we connect with. I just get blank looks. Constantly back to court so the X can continue to try and bleed me dry. So.....I just put the fake smile on and do what needs to be done.

    My friends all say. "your superhuman, you works so hard and take care of it all". I want to scream at them "I hurting, and I hate you for not seeing it". So....I just put on the fake smile and do what needs to be done.

    Stay safe, from who? The constant and relentless forces that are working to extinguish that "irreplaceable spark" spoken of in your signature? Or from myself?

    So, that about sums it up, I'm a lie, a fake, and don't want to be here.