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Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rg43, May 9, 2015.

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  1. rg43

    rg43 Member

    I can't take this anymore. Every time i try it just gets worse. Living with my family is worse. They don't care and i am the one who has to do everything. I have a father that is a drug addict even though my mom doesn't say it. He has a disease but wants a pill every 10 seconds and doesn't even take care of himself. The pill is his life. She only got with him because of money. She slept with an old man when she was young and then got pregnant at 18 with my sibling and then she left him. She said she was on birth control but she probably lied to get money because they were married. Then she met my dumb dad had me and other siblings. He was a drunk, a cheapskate, and didn't care about us. He was never a step dad to my sibling no wonder why she is the way sheis. No wonder why we are they way we are. They got a cheap trailer for us to live in and they got a bigger room with a door to be disgusting behind. So we were cramped in a small as room. Ever since I was young i wanted to die. I would punch myself to lift the pain. There was no privacy to cry or even do homework no one cared. We never went on vacations because we were poor and my dad was cheap. We didnt even do any little things that were free. My dad didnt even have a real job which he could of gotten one but he is so lazy and never cared about us. When my mom finally got a job we went to daycare. My dad was dumb and couldn't watch us and probably would hurt us because he would like to drink. My mom left him a couple times and then we went back. She was so stupid because he was a jerk a bad father and he never cared for us. I was made fun of at school my whole life for some things and they never cared. I told them what happens everyday and theyboth laughed at me. That was in 9th grade. I am now out of highschool and life is horrible. I was going to get an apartment with my sister but she would rather live with her boyfriend than me. I am stuck here. I can't even work because I am sick and I tried going back a couple of times but kept getting sick and went to the doctors a couple of times without insurance. I can't even afford to pay them back. If i do get a job I wont be able to afford insurance or anything. I am never going to be able to leave and we have animals that need to be taken care of and my siblings left and dont care about them. I hate life I cant take it my family doesnt care. The house is falling apart and its my job to get a new one when I get a job. But I dont get paid enough to be able to get a mortgage my moms credit sucks and she never pays herbills because she buys pills for my dad. My relatives cant help and they dont care. My siblings that left dont care either. I amstuckand will never be able to leave. No one cares to help. This house is a mess and i have to do everything and they eat all the food. They dont care. We have bugs we cant get rid of because people cant take care of their old food and are lazy annd my mom just says to stop whining but they dont help me. She doesnt make my sibling do anything he gets to do what he wants. My dad sleeps all day and is too lazy to doanything and eats like a maniac same with my brother. I am never going to be able to leave and afford my own place, car, bills and more.She makes me do everything and I have to get a house. They will just mess it up my dad and sibling dont care. There is no reason to live. There is no way for me to leave. I dont want to because of the animals but I have no help. My siblings dont care at least they can afford a place. I never will. There is no hope or help for me. I don't know why I get out of bed for the day because it no longer matters. I am going no where.n
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Get out from the toxic family relationship reach out to whatever supports their are in your community be it welfare or shelter to stay in until you get a job but get out It will only be the way for you to survive You have no responsibilities but to yourself get out
  3. rg43

    rg43 Member

    Thank you for replying. There is no way for me to leave.I have animals to take care of and they are to lazy to take care of them. Also there are no places like that as you described. I live ina small town and dont have my own car. I have no relatives or friends to help me. My siblings wont help me. They are both selfish. There could be other peoples problems right in front of their face but they wouldn't even care. There is no talking to my mom she always tells me there is nothing wrong with me. She doesnt even know the things I have been through and they just laugh when I tell them. My siblings go on with their lives when they know how my home life is and how dad is but they look the other way. They never have a lending hand. It is hard to live each day when I have no one and no money. I really can't take it anymore. I just don't want to leave the animals because she will just get rid of them and my siblings dont care or my father. It is awful to live in a world that is awful and doesn't feel real.I was lucky to make it through high school. I really just dont know what to do.I have no one to talk to.
  4. I sympathize with the lack of resources in a small town. Are there churches or religious leaders you can reach out to? Have you considered reporting the illegal drug activity of your parents to the police? Have you considered contacting animal control or local shelters to get help for your animals? Depending on your region you may be able to get help from Adult Protective Services-- they provide help to adult dependents who are abused. I agree with the above poster that escaping toxic relationships is critical. I know it feels hopeless, but know that other people have found help and so can you. In fact, you're taking a good first step by reaching out right now!
  5. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hello and welcome to the forum,

    I hope it has helped some bit to get all of those thoughts off your chest and knowing someone has read and listened.
    Have you thought about going back and bettering your education so that you have better job prospects? I think you have a lot of potential. You seem like a nice person suffering in an awful world around you.

    Has your dad ever got any sort of help for his drug addiction? Would he, if asked?

    Take good care of yourself there are people who care.
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