Why?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by brknsilence, Dec 1, 2015.

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  1. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I don't understand why, whenever I talk to my side of the family, I just want to die. I feel sad, ashamed, and disappointed in myself...
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    ((hugs))

    I'm sorry you feel you cannot talk to your family. Stick with the people who you know you can talk with. I think you are a pretty strong person, yo will get through this crisis, wanna talk more about how you are feeling?

    ~petal
     
  3. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    :'( I always been thinking I'm doing everything wrong. Like I'm messing everything up. I think I have to walk on egg shells when I talk to them and everything. It's like they're waiting for me to make one single mistake that will have me get into serious trouble. I'm so tired and so unhappy with life. I feel I can't even enjoy it :'(
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I really do understand. I have to watch everything I'm saying and doing, it get's old fast. Just be yourself and you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed about. You are who you are not who others want you to be. Sorry I don't have any better advice, get some paper write your thoughts and set fire to yesterday :)
     
  5. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Sorry, I can't stop crying.
     
  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Im really sorry pet. Instead of keeping your inner feelings inside, go to the mirror and tell the person you are looking at that you love/like that person looking back. Do you have a pet you can cuddle up to? Crying doesn't always have to be bad, you can let it all out by crying *hugs*
    I know i'm not a close friend but you can talk to me about what's wrong and i'll try and comfort you, i'll listen to what is upsetting you.
     
  7. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member

    brknsilence
    We Are conditioned to feel that way from the time we are children, It is frowned upon to even talk about, most adults do not have any idea of the issues that people like us face, we are continuously told not to talk about it so no one knows what is going on so growing up we don't know any more about it, then we did when we were born. It is a Taboo Subject, it isn't that we are doing anything wrong it is because no one wants to hear it, because it is almost like it is contagious, they are the ones that are unenlightened, most know only what they have heard when they were kids and grow up not being told any different! I want at times to slap them on the head and say why don't you people learn what it is that you don't know, do they? No! It is ignorance on their part, They all act like we might snap at any minute, We want to sometimes because we cant talk about it in public,They are the ones that are uninformed! and ignorant but they never take the time to learn! We end up being unhappy because they remain uninformed.

    You are not at fault, they are the ones that do things wrong to us, we are ostracized Isolated and shut out of society because they act like we are dirty, or contagious, when most of us want to be loved, or accepted as everyone else is if most would just say hi and look at us instead of lowering their eyes or looking away or avoiding us altogether! We instead of feeling we are bad or wrong should tell them to get educated on the subject. I will not walk on egg shells, I won't fit into the niche they try and make for me. I never get into anyone's face but I let them know when I feel that they are wrong!
     
  8. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks for being there. I'm trying so hard not to give up. Just hate having the thoughts and urges. So frustrated
     
  9. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    So sorry Just wish talking to my family wasn't so difficult. Didn't help when Child Protective Services was called on me twice. Making it seem like I'm some awful mother. Honestly had triggered these thoughts even more and been scared since. Plus when some stranger called the police on me last summer. If I'm such a horrible person then why am I even here? Just wish these individuals would understand how triggering this is for me. Do they really want my kids to suffer without a mother because she couldn't take it anymore?
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiya again hun, may I ask why child protective services were called? There is no shame in saying that you need a bit of help. Are you still crying hun? I know how difficult family matters are, i have the same only in different circumstances.
    I respect and admire your honesty. Best of luck.
     
  11. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    CPS was called for numerous of reasons. Most of the complaints was over my anorexia. The investigator was mainly worried about me then the kids. He said the kids were totally fine, happy, and healthy - it was just me they were more concerned about but had nothing to involve them.... I hate being this way..... :'( :'(
     
  12. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I can't stop crying
     
  13. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    *hugs* *hugs* I cannot imagine what it would be like if I had CPS called on me, so I can only try to imagine. Not very nice :( Are you getting help for the anorexia? What do you think would help so much that you would stop crying?
     
  14. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    I'm not seeing anyone right now for this depression and eating disorder. Trying to find someone. Just hard. I'm so drained. stopped crying for now. Hope it doesn't start again....
     
  15. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I am glad the crying spell has faded away.Are you having issues seeing finding a doctor/therapist?
     
  16. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Getting a dr and therapist is taking awhile to get. Trying not to get so bad where I need to go back to the hospital. I hate feeling this way..
     
  17. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    (hug) we all hate that feeling pet. It is okay to cry and it is okay to cry, we're here for you throughout this. Ring the local crisis line and see if they have any help and assistance to offer, big hugs
     
  18. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Hugs I got to charge my phone soon. I got to get started on dinner and clueless on what to make. My anxiety has been up...
     
  19. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Have fun cooking and know that we are here and care for you :)
     
  20. brknsilence

    brknsilence Well-Known Member

    Thanks. I'll bbl
     
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