I was sat watching This Morning, this morning, watching the bit about child hood depression. I was in a mess from the age of 9 onwards, but why did no one help me. Why, when from the age of 9 I had a whole multitude of suicides planned, had tried to take my own life at 9, felt nothing, felt empty, knew people didn't love me, did no one realise? If they had have done then maybe I would not feel so vile now. I thought it was normal to plan suicides, to feel bad, to feel inferior, to feel sad and unloved, to be alone. Why, when for the past couple of years I have been desperate for help, there is no one that will help. Why, when my GP will help other people will mental health problems, he won't help me. What is it about me that is so worthless, so scummy, so evil. All I ever wanted was for this to go away, I tried so fucking hard to get help, but there is nothing there for me. Why has my whole life been one big fuck up. It's never gonna change.