Why?!

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lightning05, Jun 2, 2016.

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  1. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    I'm not in danger of hurting myself ATM, I'm about to go to sleep. But WHY won't this suicidal ideation and depression just stop?! :(
     
  2. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    lightning, I think once the ideas sink in they stay there for a while. I still have them even though I know I won't/can't act on them. Some days are worse than others of course but I just try to tell myself it is a result of still not feeling good. I noticed they have gotten less in frequency but that is due to medication. It sucks that people sometimes have to take med's to feel better but considering the alternative I will do it.
     
  3. sofie

    sofie Banned Member

    I wish I knew the answer. I have dealt with suicidal thoughts for years now. It becomes exhausting and overwhelming. I pray that yours end soon. Hang in there.
     
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  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    @mpk you're right - the thoughts definitely can stick to your brain like glue. I'm very frustrated because I thought I was doing better and moving away from it but apparently not. I guess I'm just feeling frustration with myself and I want to scream at myself WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU JUST FEEL BETTER! It's horrible to feel this way.
     
  5. mpk

    mpk Well-Known Member

    lightning, I think that most people have these bouts. Unfortunately for some it can be devastating and destructive. I guess the key is just keep plugging along as best as you can even though most times it sucks.
     
  6. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Thanks @mpk . Just trying to hang in there day by day and not think too much. So glad I found this support on SF.
     
  7. Cj May

    Cj May Member

    I think about suicide but I don't want to die. I thought I was abnormal for a lack of a better word. I thought I was the only one who felt this way. Why is so kept quiet? I feel if I tell the people around me what is really on my mind I will be ridiculed or I will loose their friendship. So I pretend everything is ok. Tell jokes and make everyone laugh--when I'm crying on the inside.
     
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  8. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    That's a good way to put it @Cj May . Sometimes I feel like I do want to die but it is because these thoughts and feelings can be so overwhelming. I constantly feel weird and abnormal. And since it is kept so quiet it makes it even more so. It might make it easier if we could just be honest. At least here we can be honest without judgement. I feel like I'm on autopilot sometimes. Or I'm just feeling so many emotion it turns me numb and I can't feel anything or don't want to. There are waves where it gets better and times where it's really bad. Right now I'm in the middle but a little more towards the bad side but I am also doing more pretending.. :(
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    It's a horrid illness and I am sorry you are suffering. What about not preteneding any more? The only way to get the proper help, treatment and care is to be honest with your doctor, they cannot help what they don't know. It's horrible that there is such a stigma around suicidal thoughts, there was a time I was obsessed with death. How can people expect you to behave positive when you are really dying inside and feel no one understands?? Anyway, hugs for you and know I am always here for you!
     
    lightning05 likes this.
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