Why can't I just say goodbye and start living a life without them. I'm sick of hurting everyone I fucking told them to get away from me, to leave me alone, to walk away from me because I fucking know they'll end up getting hurt again :cry: It's my curse, everyone around me gets hurt. I try so hard, I try so hard to turn back into that happy Ester everyone used to know, the one that made fun and smiled (even if it was fake), the one that wasn't close to anyone. I'm trying so hard but people won't co-operate. :cry: I deleted them persons I was closest too off my GoogleTalk, Skype and MSN, I should add them back and block them, before deleting again. If they can't walk away from me, I have to walk away from them. Why is it so hard. Because they seem to be one of the few who care? Well, fuck that Ester, you dont even deserve to be cared for and to be loved, so that's no excuse. Just block them and delete them. They need to get better without you on top of it. They need to get better without worrying about you. They need to get better without you in their life cos they shouldn't be hurt again. I know exactly what to do. But it's so hard. Why is it so hard and why am I not strong enough to just do this. Why haven't I done this months ago when everything started. Why did I even come to this site? Why did I make friends here? Why didnt'I just stay in chat to yack around and have fun without really getting close to anyone? I should have fucking known about this curse. I should have known everyone would get hurt. I should have known, after S. I should have fucking known. It hurts so badly but it's time to take some steps. :cry: don't bother to reply to this. I dunno .. I.. argh nevermind me. I'm just a sick piece of scumbag.