???why???

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by jcat, May 26, 2007.

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  1. jcat

    jcat Staff Alumni

    just lost everything. the story of my life. what else am i going to lose. i don't think i can take much more. my whole post went out into the blue nowhere. oh well, what is there to live for. my family isn't here. i have nobody here. someone i care about and like alot tells me i love you, and; why? what is there about me, in me, or anything else to even like?
    i'm tired. life...death...drugs...being clean...sleeping...eating...feeling...caring...breathing...thinking...walkin... talking... i'm tired of just being. life sucks. i am a slave. i goto work, come home, goto work,come home... nothing else. i'm tired of it all. what is even worth living for. why let ppl get close? so they can rip my heart out and shred it up. that's all that will happen. i know it. thats all thats ever happened. hust my luck too. what is there about me? i can't think of anything for any one. all i am is absket case that doesn't know if i am coming or going. what is there about me that is even being friends for.
    can i please get someones permission to go and get some heroin. or meth. i'm tired of being clean from drugs. i want to shoot dope. that is waht a dope fiend does, shoots dope. the only two things i've ever been any good at are being a dope fiend and getting arrested. those are the two things i know how to do well. thats it. what is the meaning of life. misery, hatred sorrow, remorse, guilt. what is the point? i'm terminal and am scared to the treatment for hep c. why, so i can live for an extra few years in this msierable body that is my holding cell. why? who will miss me. who will care. how many ppl would really show up to my funeral? hopefully none. do i care. no. can anyone give me a reason to live which i won't be able to come up with excuses, reasons, rationaliztions, and justifications against.
    the only thing that is keeping me going right now is remembering the feeling it gave me in my heart when she said i love you. but, the question i ask myself is WHY? i can't think of any. any good ones that are worth a shit.
     
  2. Pneuma

    Pneuma Guest

    Here you go! have some verbal happy pills

    I've lost everything I had once; a bf of 7 years, the highest paying job I've ever had ($13.35 an hour and I even had my own cubicle), my family, almost all of my possessions. I almost gave up on life but I didn't.
    "Why didn't you" you ask?
    Because I'm a bottomless pit of hopelessly naive optimism. Is there anything left that you haven't done and have wanted to do before you die? Travel abroad maybe? You can look at it this way, you have nothing left so there's nothing left stopping you from doing whatever you want and you may as well try to enjoy the time you have left.

    If you need to talk or just need someone to yell at I'll be here... waiting for you to yell at me...
     
  3. Nessarose

    Nessarose Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I know it's hard--pretty much unbearably hard, but is there anyone you can talk to?

    I'm sorry you have Hepatitis C, but please get the treatments. Stay safe. Don't hurt yourself.

    I hope you are feeling better soon. Try to think of things to look forward to; they can be as small as the seventh Harry Potter or a new movie. Count your loved ones. Remember how many people love you and want to help you.
     
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