why?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lost_child, Aug 1, 2007.

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  1. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    it got too much last nite I cut and took a few tablets to knock me out, I don't want to keep getting this low, I don't want to live with suicidal thoughts, please can someone tell me what I need to do, why can't I stop the thoughts, why am I still sit here planning to end it all I thought about driving my car into a lampost, a brick wall but I don't want others to be hurt..

    Please why does it never end why won't the memories stop, the hurt stop, the pain stop.
     
  2. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    I really wish I had some answers for you. Unfortunately, I feel pretty much the same. I guess the real question for both of us is: what the hell are we going to do about it?

    fucked if I know
     
  3. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I have no idea...all I know is I can't live like this anymore.

    My name is Jane Doe,

    Looking around for a friendly face to see
    but all that's here is my shadow and me
    alone with my thoughts, alone with my fears
    alone I've felt for so many years

    ALone we stand, scared and blue
    not being able to trust, not even you
    trust was broken, destroyed and taken
    left me still, alone, and shaken

    too many years have now passed
    yet still I'm stuck in the past
    trust wasn't just mis-used
    it was taken, stolen and abused

    once trapped, twice shaken
    never again will i mistaken
    the one thing I need to help me through
    I can't accept so here I sit feeling blue.

    People have tried I can't deny
    but constent questions of wondering why
    my being rude and pushing them away
    have caused them to run the other way

    so here I am feeling alone,
    knowing I will always be on my own
    people around me they come and go
    this is how I ended up a Jane doe
     
  4. R.B.M.

    R.B.M. New Member

    Lost Poet,

    Convert this pain into fuel. Then come up with ways to help people or humanity (by applying your creativity, uniqueness) and power it with your fuel.

    With your insight (aka experience) into dealing with life's harsh blows, perhaps you can help prevent the suffering of some other people.

    RBM
     
  5. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    I've read a bunch of your poems in other threads but for some reason I've never commented. Albeit, they aren't 'mainstream'... I just 'get' them.

    To be perfectly honest, they eerily remind me of a girl I once loved...still love. Maybe that's why I haven't said a word thus far?

    She used to write poems for me, but I remember finding other poems she'd written that were very similar to your style and subject...even the wording. I never treated her right...I wish I could turn back the clocks and do that over again.

    Anyways, I really hope that whoever broke your trust regains it. There are some things that are too beautiful to let go of and my analytical mind has always favoured creativity.
     
  6. justsomeguy

    justsomeguy Active Member

    HA!

    R.B.M. hit the fucking nail on the head!!!


    I sat here for 20 minutes trying to express what I was feeling and I was pleasantly surprised to see that RBM posted before me and summed it up in a couple of sentences. Lostchild, your creativity and insight really is a gift to the world .
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 1, 2007
  7. theplaya

    theplaya Well-Known Member

    i dunno why but i feel pretty much the same way.. why does it keep coming back those memories .. why dont it leave me alone.. why does it have to keep drinking the life out of me ... why ? why ? why?
    but i learned one thing lostchild however painful the memories seem and however unforgetable .. u will have instances in ur life when u feel life wasnt as bad as it is NOW and u soon forget ur old memories and why u were worried so much bout them
     
  8. lost_child

    lost_child Well-Known Member

    I do want to work with people who have been ab*sed, when I left school I started taking the courses but it became too much for me. I am now thinking of going back and studing psychology and counselling, I don't know though... with the state of mind at the moment I'm not sure I would cope with possible triggering subjects. Weak and pathetic that's me.
     
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