why

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by jadedbuttrue, Nov 30, 2007.

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  1. jadedbuttrue

    jadedbuttrue Member

    i can't find a point in existing in this world anymore. i'm 21 and i've never achieved anything i truly wanted in life...i've only given up every time or failed because i just wasn't capable of doing it. everyone around me succeeds...my family, girlfriend, friends, co-workers, but not me. i cant go outside anymore because i'm now plagued with severe cystic/nodular acne all over my face. my face looks mutated, and horrific. why? failure.

    i think about death constantly. i'm in the navy and i pretend to be happy. i pretend to enjoy my life on the ship, doing my job, serving my country. but i feel completely destroyed - all the time. now, the one true, perfect girl that i loved, the one that made those dark days turn light, is falling away from me. she doesn't enjoy talking to me anymore - and she's angry that i'm so down. i try to get her to understand why i feel the way i do, but it's only pushing her away.

    i'm not a man. i'm nothing. i'm heart broken. i hate everything about myself. i'm defeated. i'm plagued with severe acne. i see myself dead.

    i love you guys :)
     
  2. jonstark

    jonstark Well-Known Member

    Acne sucks.
    Good luck beating it and depression.
    Bon chance! :hug:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 30, 2007
  3. jadedbuttrue

    jadedbuttrue Member

    thanks for the support jonarryn.

    i've decided...screw suicide. i'm not even depressed anymore - i'm just pissed. i'm pissed that i've felt depressed for this long. it's done, no more...life is mine now. time to get back up and conqueor. gl to everyone and goodbye.
     
  4. andyc68

    andyc68 Guest

    nice one, but come back if you need to vent.

    but one asks how can you be a failure when you are serving your country, that is the ultimate.

    be safe
     
  5. ireallydocare

    ireallydocare New Member

    guess what......depression is a real disease that is treatable. im 39 years old and have always thought people are just crazy, psycho, or lazy until i developed a thyroid problem that left my hormones out of whack. i was miserable for 2 years and i finally admitted i had a problem and got some treatment. you would be amazed at how different you look at life. even the challenges of life are exciting to me now. acne sucks i agree...but that can be treated to and could be a symptom to a chemical imbalance. it is so hard to tell a doctor what you're feeling right now...just print out this forum and hand it to the doctor or just tell him you don't feel happy anymore. best of luck to you. please take care.
     
  6. jadedbuttrue

    jadedbuttrue Member

    why did i deserve what she did to me?

    i tried so desperately to please her. i'd do anything for her.

    i see her all the time and she's not even fucking there.

    why did she highlight all the bad? did i not do anything good for her?

    she shut me out and said goodbye. and she was gone like that.

    and now it's like i never existed. do i deserve to feel like i never existed?

    i fucking loved her. i feel like dying again. i hate this shit. why the fuck?

    why the fuck did i deserve to be abandoned and left behind like a corpse?
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2007
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