Why?

[Hellite]

Ok I'll starts by introducing myself...

I'm Steve, i'm from Canada and I'm 20 years.

I'm a normal dude. Pretty normal life. I go to college and have godd grades even if I never study. I have good friends and everyone seems to like me cause I'm a good guy. I have the best parents in the world (I could be a junkie and they would still love me and I'm sure of that). I'm in shape, I play hockey since I'm 4 (Which canadian guy doesn't :biggrin and I've been training for 6 month.

The problem is.... I AM SO DEPRESSED!!!!

When I was 15, I was diagnosed with Panic attack. I took pills for two years and managed to get rid of it by the age of 18. Since then, I feel empty and I can't get my fingers on the problem. I believe I missed 3 years of my teen years... and I'm feeling the consequences right now. See the pills make me sleep 18 hours a day. It took me 2 years to get rid of those because I could not bare to face my disease. When I finally got ride of all this I though great maybe I'll find happiness once again.... NO. I went to see a therapist.... she concluded I was perfectly normal. So why am i suffering like this!?!?!

My friends thinks it's because I never got a girlfriend. I say it's bullshit. I think it's deeper in me. I just CAN'T enjoy life anymore and I don't know why. The only way I can avoid all this depression is by keeping myself busy. If I don't and i'm lonely, I start thinking and BOOM... I feel like crap for days. I week ago I hurt my shoulder, it's been 7 days I can't do anything that could keep me busy (gym, hockey hanging out with friends). 7 days by myself to think. My only conclusion, I am my worst enemy. And I don't know but it's seems I don'T let myself enjoy life or anything else. I get bored real fast of everything. It's getting harder and harder to keep myself busy and away from my mind.

Now, all this lead to a lake of self confidence. I hate myself for making me suffer like that and that sucks. I'm like in ficious circle from which I can't get out even if I try.

I have everything to succeed in life. I should be happy... no? I should be able to enjoy life at it's fullest... or or part of it. Now, it's been 5 long years since I taste true happiness and I don't remember the taste of it. In two days it's Christmas... in 9 new year... and I hate it.... why?.... cause I keep making myself the same promise every new year... that I will find hapiness...

P.S. Sorry for my bad english.... I'm french :cool:

 

[cloud9]

Hey,

I'm 19 and from Canada too:biggrin:

I think there's just something that you're missing. I was always unhappy even though I have good grades, great athlete etc. In the end those things just kept me busy and elevated me to a certain extent in the eyes of my peers. But I mean, that may not be what you want right? Difficult to distinguish between what you're good at and what you actually want.

Cheers!

 

[Hellite]

Maybe you're right.... that's not exactly what I want

I don't give a crap about college, but I'm good at it and it keeps my parents happy to see their child having success. Yeah I'm studying in something I like which is computer science. My goal is to get a job with a video game company which seems possible. But the lack of motivation makes me rethink about the decisions I have made. Do I really want this? Sometimes I ask myself if I should drop all this and go help kids in africa who really needs help. If I can't be happy, at least I could help others get to it and maybe that would provide me with happiness. But I'm just to scared.

I guess I'll stick with what I have and stop complaining

 

[perfect-flaw]

I'm 17 and in Canada too. (It's cold :sad

I guess you could just try focusing on doing what you enjoy doing. Don't stress too much on what you are missing out on, and enjoy what you do have, because from experience, stressing about something, makes it bother me even more.

If you ever find yourself thinking to much, find a way to distract yourself...Call someone up, play a game on the internet, something, even if it's not very physically demanding. I'm not saying stop thinking completely, but don't stress too much.:smile: