this whole week has been fine. up until now. i don't know why i feel the way i do. i feel like i'm diggin myself a deeper hole. i hate feeling like i just want to die. i feel like i have no hope and i feel like a dumbass for feeling this way because when i look at the big picture, my life isn't too bad. i have two parents, whom although sometimes i hate, are always there for me, i've never been abused sexually or physically even though my brother puts me down day after day. my life isn't too bad. so why do i always feel this way? why do i always feel like life isn't worth living for anymore? i hate that i've never really had a bf and that the one i sort of had was a crazy asshole who went behind my back and had sex with my cousins and their friends. *sigh* i just want to be happy for more than five minutes. but i don't know how to.