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Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by Tnecniv, Aug 5, 2008.

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  1. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    why can't I just face it? It wasn't that terrible.... was it? but why did it happen anyway? I was fucked up before that.... why make it worse? and how could I forget it? And why dose it feel so terrible...? and btw... I'm not prepeard to tell what happened.... yet....
  2. innocencexisxlove

    innocencexisxlove Well-Known Member

    things happen for a reason.. even if we don't know the reason just yet... I'm sorry, for whatever happened..

    know IM here if you ever need to PM someone to talk
  3. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

  4. CPessimist

    CPessimist Well-Known Member

    Hey man, if you ever need someone to talk to I'm here, send me a PM.
  5. Vitreledonellidae

    Vitreledonellidae Well-Known Member

    aww vincent :hug: if youre not prepored to tell what happened it must have been terrible, dont lie to yourself. Everyone here gives you the time, but talking about it helps, it is really hard, but now youre questioning it constantly, the doubts, sometimes others can give you the right answer. I hope you will be ready for it soon. You deserve the help, to feel better, to move on
    Take care and you can always pm me
  6. Depending on when it happened.....I know it sucks but it gets easier to cope with you. You are not alone.
  7. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

  8. Summer.Rain

    Summer.Rain Well-Known Member

    Sex itself is not the problem in rape...
    The problem with rape is the fact that you find yourself in a situation
    where you lost controll over what happaning, and that is what destroys your self confidance.
    Males can controll situation with words, and when the words dosnt working
    we have muscles. Girls all thay have is words, that is why thay are so
    mcuh more in danger. That is why every singel girl must have a guy behind
    her to protect her, it dosnt have to be a B\F, just a good freand, a freand
    you can trust.

    I had many girls as freands, thay all trusted me, and felt very confident near me, and yes i even had situation where i had to risk myself to protect them.
    Luckly i know how to servive in this world.
  9. butterflies32

    butterflies32 Well-Known Member

    here if you want to talk vincient. I know how it is but it is not your fault. PM me anytime. I will try to reply... don't worry. You will talk in your own time...no one is going to push you.

  10. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    Long time no see, on this thread... I guess.... I just saw it wrong... but still... It's terrible for me... And I'm so ashamed of feeling this way... And I'm also ashamed of thinking "I'm sure that this is not such a big deal"..... It started haunting me again now recently... Just sucks....
  11. annie-crafts

    annie-crafts Well-Known Member

    I tell myself all the time that the abuse "wasn't that bad" and "other's have had it worse than me." But the fact is that, no matter what happened, it was terrible and it did cause damage. When someone does something to you that you have no control over and caused harm, it is a big deal.

    It haunts me all the time too. I work on it in therapy, but sometimes I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere.

    I hope that know that you don't have to be ashamed and it wasn't your fault. I hope that you can start talking about it, because that is the first step in healing.
  12. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    Thanks for sharing Vincent. It was very brave of you to even post what you did. When you are ready, we are here. Take care of yourself.
  13. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    I don't know... It haunts me, but I got no reason to think so... I dunno.... I just don't know! It was terrible.... but then again.. It wasn't that horrible if I tell... I feel ashamed about feeling so bad, about thinking of this the way I do... but the person shouldn't have done it! It was wrong! and when i just had reached puberty too... I dunno if I can keep it a secret much longer... many people knows now that SOMETHING happened.. but not what happened... but if I tell... I will get so much trouble... and the person too.... even if I really, really hate that person, I sometimes don't think of it, and are happy when I talk to that person, and that make me hate myself because I don't hate that person ALL of the time even if i hate that person ALMOST all the time...
  14. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    It is very confusing when someone violates you. And you are absolutely right, it should not have happened. And you are not responsible for what happens if you decide to tell. You did not do anything wrong. And your feelings of hate for this person are normal, as are your feelings about not hating them sometimes. You do hate though what they did, and that is what needs to be addressed. It is normal to feel very confused and scared and ashamed. I felt all of those things before I told someone. It is okay though, you are going to be ok. Just do what you think is right for you, protect yourself, don't worry about protecting them or anyone else. The truth will come out one way or another. I hope you find some peace and strength to tell someone, pick someone you trust, someone who won't hurt you, someone who is on your side 100%. It will get better, this is a very big hurdle though to get over, the telling is hard, but you can do it, it will not kill you, it will make you stronger.
  15. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    I was abused by my mother I think... but not in a bad way in a way or maybe.... she was just trying to help.... I think... one day she started complaining that I didn't wash myself properly in the shower, and than she started fighting me... I remember she hit me.... I think... I dunno... it's not so clear... and then she dragged me in the bathroom, I was screaming and fighting against her, crying really loud, but she continued fighting, and then she started undressing me, I tried to run, but I think the bathroom door was locked.... and than she started undressing... I was terrified... I don't remember much more but until We were in the shower and she started washing me with sope and she grabbed my manhood.... alot.... I cried all the time... I tried to fight off, and after A while I managed to run, I ran into my room crying like a baby.... She called me a "crying baby" too, and so did my father.... I mean... I was in my twelves... I reached puberty early.. in my early elevens, it was the period I was masturbating alot, and had my "first erotic thoughts" period.... I remember this destroyed my feelings... I was afraid of human contact.... I were born with anxiety... paranoia... This didn't make things any better... I lay awake many nights after that... shaking... I know this is silly.... I know.... but I felt that it was terrible... and the fact that I have to live with her for some time longer kills me... I may never get a gilfriend either... I'm too nervrotic and depressed for that... I dunno... I think that bitch ruined me in some ways by trying to help me... I have been out for some other traumatic situations before that too... me and my therapist is trying to work it out now.... but this one I have remembered for the last eight months....

    and for the reason that she was just trying to help... I protect her and can't tell....
  16. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry that happened to you. It sounds very traumatic and I can see why you feel the way you do. And how confusing when it is your own mother! I don't understand why she did what she did, but she should not have done it and it does not sound like she was trying to help you, it sounds like she hurt you. That's what abusers do, they try and make it sound like they are doing you a favor. Don't believe it. You don't do that to someone when you are "helping" them. And I know she is your mother, but she should not do this to anyone, it is abuse.

    Thank you for telling us. I think you are very very courageous for talking about it even if you feel conflicted and unsure and scared. I hope you know that what happened to you does not define who you are as a person. You can still have relationship with people. You are going to get past this, it is going to hurt and not be easy, but you will get past it. I believe that, and I hope you do to. Just keep talking and dealing with the feelings you have about it. It sounds like you could talk to your therapist about this and it might help.

    I am here for you, and thinking about you.
  17. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    I guess.... That I'm in a way past it, but it's difficult to heal my other problems as well as this when I live with my mother... And I feel it's really... well, I don't know how to say it... I guess that I tell myself that she was trying to help me to protect her and myself in a way.... = /

    One time some months ago, she asked me when i pushed her out of my room when I was about to change clothes, she asked me, "Why can I never see your body anymore?"... I got so angry that I seriously thought I would kill her, but I only slammed the door... She can't hurt me anymore because I'm much bigger then her, I train alot and are 178 cm. high and 90 kg. big and strong... I guess thats some comfort to me when I feel scared... I think about that no one can hurt me because I'm bigger than them.... even how stupid it may sound, it really is of some comfort...

    And I find it hard to believe that my mother was trying to hurt me... but I guess you may be right...

    But she still is my dearest mother.... And it hurts that I feel that way... it really does... Even when I hate her the most... I still care for her....
  18. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    Sorry for double posting, but the I can't edit my post so, when I wrote "high", I meant "tall".
  19. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    It is hard to say why she did what she did, she might not even know. But the fact that it makes you feel uncomfortable, scared and hurt is what is important to pay attention to. And, I know you want to protect your mother, it is hard to think that people that love us could do something like that. So, it is totally normal to feel like you are feeling, that love/hate thing. Totally normal. I am glad to hear that you feel like you can protect yourself, because it must be very hard to live with her after what happened and feel safe. I commend you though for talking about it and trying to sort out your feelings about what happened, i urge you to keep talking about it until you feel better.
  20. Tnecniv

    Tnecniv Well-Known Member

    Okay.... I feel.... I dunno... I just don't know what to think.... It's confusing and it hurts... And was it that bad really? I still think that she only tried to help me, but another part of me tell me that she didn't... It's just so frustrating...
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