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Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by SupernaturalFtw, Sep 6, 2008.

  1. why the fuck did you have to die?
    why did you start using again?
    do you know what you've done to me and mum?
    no you don't, cause you're in hell now.
    you could of just listened to the doctor and gone to rehab could you?
    i try so hard to tell myself that you're gone, that everything's going to be fine.
    but it's not. i've turned into something i never want to be.
    i used to have dreams that you were actually still here, and i'd wake up in the morning, all exciting, waiting for you to say good morning, but it dawned on me that you were gone.
    and this routine would go on forever.
    do you know how hard it is during school, when people are always talking about how amazing their brothers are? i have to sit there in silence, trying not to cry. when people askd me about my family, i would say nothing. because i couldn't say it. it might of been because i hadn't quite come to terms with it.
    i remember when i first found out, coming back from the school trip, a couple of weeks before my 10th birthday, all excited to see my family again. but then mum just straight out told me: you were dead.
    i couldn't say anything
    what was i supposed to say?
    and i'm also sick of epople feeling sorry for me when i manage to tell them. i'm not an invalid or anything.
    and thanks to you i've got so many things wrongwith me; depression, ocd, panic attacks, anorexia...i could go on and on.
    when i see people on the streets or hear about people using, i'll say 'don't do it' because i don't want them to end up like you.
    no matter how much i hate them.

    -your sister.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    I'm so sorry for your loss :hug: If you need to talk, Im here!
  3. Esmeralda

    Esmeralda Well-Known Member

    I know you say he's in Hell, but please do not underestimate the power of God's grace and forgiveness.

    I know what it's like to wake up and to have forgotten that your loved one is gone. It's one of those feelings you can never understand until it happens. It's like they died all over again.

    I also know the feeling of not wanting to talk about your family because you don't want to be pitied and then YOU end up feeling guilty about it somehow.

    And I also know that it gets better. As horrible as what you have experienced is, it DOES get better, a LOT better.

    Please try to forgive your brother as you would want him to be forgiven by God for the wrongs he did and remember him and just know that he was not himself when he died. He was a slave to whatever drugs ended up killing him and you can be angry about his death and his addiction without being angry at HIM. I'm sure he loved you very much and I'm sure that he would never touch a drug again if he had the chance and if he could take away the hurt that you are feeling.

    PM me if you want to talk.

    I'm so sorry for your terrible loss.