why the fuck did you have to die? why did you start using again? do you know what you've done to me and mum? no you don't, cause you're in hell now. you could of just listened to the doctor and gone to rehab could you? i try so hard to tell myself that you're gone, that everything's going to be fine. but it's not. i've turned into something i never want to be. i used to have dreams that you were actually still here, and i'd wake up in the morning, all exciting, waiting for you to say good morning, but it dawned on me that you were gone. and this routine would go on forever. do you know how hard it is during school, when people are always talking about how amazing their brothers are? i have to sit there in silence, trying not to cry. when people askd me about my family, i would say nothing. because i couldn't say it. it might of been because i hadn't quite come to terms with it. i remember when i first found out, coming back from the school trip, a couple of weeks before my 10th birthday, all excited to see my family again. but then mum just straight out told me: you were dead. i couldn't say anything what was i supposed to say? and i'm also sick of epople feeling sorry for me when i manage to tell them. i'm not an invalid or anything. and thanks to you i've got so many things wrongwith me; depression, ocd, panic attacks, anorexia...i could go on and on. when i see people on the streets or hear about people using, i'll say 'don't do it' because i don't want them to end up like you. no matter how much i hate them. -your sister.