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Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by NoGood, Dec 24, 2009.

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  1. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Whats wrong with me?

    My family sent me lovely presents and decorations and put loads of thought into everything and are really generous......

    I just finished opening the presents and holy shit i am feeling so suicidal.

    Whats up with that??? Its Christmas morning and I was fine and now im just crashing and I want so badly to die.

  2. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    OMG im feeling so overwhelmed all of a sudden. I dont know whats going on. This is scary. Man, I just wish I was dead!
  3. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Please try to take a moment to breathe and calm down...

    I get overwhelmed when I know that someone truly cares about me- because I feel guilty for hating myself so much; but you have to remember that the place you are in your life right now can change... and the people who care about you will help you at any cost.

    They love you and it's not a bad thing at all-- it is a reason to live.

    Keep talking if you need to, okay?
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    Ohh Kate! Hold on ok hun? It is Christmas. It holds so much expectations and hopes. So many that we set upon ourselves. And when we see the love of family and friends, it makes us feel so overwhelmed. It makes us feel like we have failed at so much. But it is by the standards we have set, please dont forget that.

    Hun, since the first time we spoke, you made it so clear that you love and value your parents and family. And that they do you too. Dont ever think for a second that you arent special to them and many here.

    It's the holidays and many times they seem to be such a let down when we put so much stock in them. Hoping that they will bring us new hope and strength. But they are just days of the year Kate.

    Please look inside yourself and find that strong girl that came here. That has been fighting her pains and demons. And is taking baby steps to keep moving forward. I believe in you and that you will pull through this. You are a very strong young lady with so many good qualities, ethics, morals and beliefs. I'm here to try anyway I can to hold your hand and help you through this. Please dont stop now. You've come so far and so many want to see you go even further.
  5. Aurora Gory Alice

    Aurora Gory Alice Well-Known Member

    Christmas can be such a depressing time, it's probably that you are missing them and everything is too much right now, just think about when you will finally see them again and how happy you will be and all the stories you will have to tell. Hold on hun. :hug:
  6. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I can sort of understand, I have the same strange relationship with gifts. I beg people not to give me gifts because I get a horrible gut-wrenching guilt for accepting their gifts, then at the same time, when I receive no tiny token of love from anyone, I feel rejected and unwanted. It's sort of a lose-lose situation.
  7. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    it isnt just xmas though :( Its all the time. i hate feeling like this.
  8. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I feel like that anytime I'm given gifts, affection, anything like that. Is it mostly just when you receive things, NoGood?
  9. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    nah, its just totally random. Ive no idea why i get sad. I just seem to hate myself alot and not like me, I dont contribute to the world, i dont have a purpose. I just dont wanna be anymore :(
  10. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    Im sittin at a friends house, pretending to be emailing my family at home, while im on a freaking suicide forum talking about how sad and depressed i am and how much i wanna die. This isnt healthy. I can feel the tears coming. I cant afford to see a professional and i dont wanna worry or let down my family by telling them. :(
  11. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    I understand your fear, I have that same fear. I finally had to open up and tell my husband I'm suicidal. I'm pretty sure I terrified him. How long have you dealt with these feelings?
  12. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    about 9yrs :(
  13. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    Do you have anyone you can trust to talk to this about? Family, friends, teachers, etc? Talking to someone close to you can really help a lot, I think.
  14. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    my friend knows but he doesnt understand.
  15. deferred dream

    deferred dream Well-Known Member

    It's really hard to wrap your mind around a personal feeling suicidal if you've never felt it. I'm sure your friend cares, he just can't understand. Have you looked into free/inexpensive counseling programs? They might exist in your area.
  16. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    i know how you feel. there is so much joy and happiness out there and yet we dont ever seem to be part of it.
  17. NoGood

    NoGood Well-Known Member

    thanks everyone for your replies. It means so much when i am feeling so low. thank you. x
  18. Tw1ster

    Tw1ster New Member

    I feel the same way. I hate getting gifts from my parents especially, because they've done so much for me. I love to give gifts thought. Maybe do some serious holiday shopping next year, save up some money, and get a friend or family member a gift you know they'll love. Nothing brightens up my day more than seeing a family member's face light up when they get a gift they didn't expect.
  19. Autumn01

    Autumn01 Well-Known Member

    I can't think of a reason to live either.
    I'm so empty and I have a million reasons as to why I'm better off dead.
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