Okay.. so it's thursday and my week has consisted of: Monday - crying myself to sleep. (1 hour sleep) Tuesday - crying myself to sleep (2 hours, then getting up for work and breaking down there) Wednesday - Feeling like shit, but had friends over so putting on a fake smile. (1 hour) Thursday - Gym session and a movie, in which I felt like shit. (2 hours, and am now awake) I've hardly had any sleep in the past 4 days. My minds racing. I have a thousand thoughts rushing through my head. A million problems with no solutions. Why is something effecting ME so much, but doesn't seem to be bothering her at all? Why do I sit here, with a fake smile on my face? Why do I go out with them, or sit around with them, while they laugh and joke while I'm dying on the inside. Why am I constantly lying to my parents about my feelings? I told my mom about my depression, and shes told me if I'm ever down, I can talk to her. I haven't yet since I told her. I walked 2 hours to her house, in tears, got here and said nothing.. turned around and walked home. Why do I continue to live, when it hurts so much to keep going? Every day is a struggle, and I don't know how or why I keep doing it. I really want to get a gun license, as it's seemingly the only option I'll be able to take. I miss her. I hurt her, when I didn't want to do it. She told me she had a bad night, why did I have to pile MY problems ontop of hers, when she said she didn't want to take it out on me. Why do I constantly screw up the only things that seem worth living for? Ending up in the same scenario as I'm facing now. The empty feeling is unbareable. I'm tired of being alone. I wish she would speak to me, it's been 1 day and I'm fucking miserable without her. Why? Why can't I stop feeling like this. Why can I not answer any of these questions.