why? an innocent yet dangerous question... a question i shouldn't dwell on but tend to think about it quite a bit. why did i survive the abuse and endless years of depression. i think that has been the hardest for me to deal with. i don't think i could hurt myself but wouldn't mind if something freak happened. i don't like my life and can't handle anything right now. i try to tell others this but they don't seem to fully understand. i have found no relief from terror or pain. i wish someone had an answer but i know enough that i need to figure out what works for me. it's just that these nights are endless.