Thats all i want to know. Why should i stay? I lost my wife of 30 years 2 months ago very suddenly. One day she was here and the next day she was gone. We had been together since 15. Ive never been without her. Never. Every thought i had revolved around her. Thoses first few days were unimaginably painful. I had never been so sick in my life. Never thought that my life with her wouldnt last. Everybody told me it would just take time and all i could think was time for what. For me to die of natural causes? Cause thats all i think about is how long is this going to take. Ive done everything i had wanted to do here. I have great kids and wonderful freinds that check on me everyday. I know their just praying that i dont do it but they are all realistic. They all talk to me aboutreasons to hang in there but it all just comes across to me as being here for others while i live in agony for the rest of my life. And it is agony. It gets worse every day. Its like waking up each morning with a hole in my chest just a little bigger than the day before. Ive been tring to figure out a way to kill my self that would look natural so i wouldnt cause more pain than nesacery. I have alot of time to think and beleive me i have thought of every reason to hang around but nothing comes close to overiding the feeling i have to leave. So if any body can tell me why i should stay i would really like to hear it. I know my motives are really selfish but that is the least thing on my mind. Im no longer worried about getting to be with her i just want this pain to end no matter where i end up. I know time might ease it but im at the point that i cant stand it right now and the thought of it getting worse is just to much to bear. Please someone tell me why.