Why ?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Abacus21, Oct 1, 2006.

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  1. Abacus21

    Abacus21 Staff Alumni

    I feel as though I want to end it ...... or, to be more honest, like it would be good to end it ..... not that I really want to .... :unsure: I picture myself doing it .... the final act as it were .... it would be so easy.

    I feel as though I do not belong in life ..... I do not need people, yet I know I do - I feel sad whenever I leave here for the night .... I feel as though I have lost my support(even though all I have to do is turn the computer back on)....

    I'm not sure how long I've been feeling like this on and off for ..... a while I suppose - it's just manifested itself over the weekend :unsure:
    I think I'll be fine in the daytime, just the evening / nighttime that it gets too much .......
    My family noticed I was down ...... or quiet, rather, last night. Asked me if I was OK etc - said that they loved me ..... which I guess deep down I am grateful for ..... but I cannot tell them how I am feeling again ....

    I am struggling. It would be so easy to die ......... I am not sure what to do.
    I know the right thing to do - to stay here .... but, as we know, it's not easy to be positive when one is feeling very very low. I know how hard it would be to die - and that I am sure I will not, but even the fact the thoughts are there, are warning bells ....

    I am so grateful for the people here ...... so grateful for meeting friends over this site..... Moonstar .... she's truly great, and radiates warmth and cares for everyone even when she isn't doing so great .... Beret, who's so supportive of everyone she meets and always has a good word and hug to say when you're feeling low ..... Bunny, who's always there to lend a shoulder and a hug no matter what she's going through .....

    I know I have missed out loads of people .... I'm sorry for that .....

    Thank you all for being here ....... Love ya all :grouphug:
  2. eih

    eih Well-Known Member

    I know I just came here yesterday.. but I almost feel the exact way you do :unsure: .. I guess we should just keep on going..
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    I am not sure why, we have all here probably asked ourselves the samething....besides being sick, who knows....we can get better, it's just sometimes a long road we will never be perfect as people with out mental illness are not perfect......but we'll be able to enjoy things we were able to before.......enjoy things we never even noticed before...like when I was good in recovery, depression, anxiety and stability was fair, and just watching 2 squirls play...it relaxed me and I got joy out of it. (I swear it looked like they were playing tagg.)

    I wish you the best of luck in life hun, life can get better, you just have to keep telling yourself that no matter what you feel....a great deal of us feel we are bad, worthless, can't get better and ect...and I felt that way, but we have to keep telling ourselves it's not true as I do...and after a while you start beleiving a little more here and there.

    Keep your head up hun....and remember even though you don't really know me well you can PM me anytime and my msn and yahoo are in my profile if you'd like to talk.

    Keep your chin up hun.


  4. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Abacus21, I am so sorry to hear you are feeling like this. You are right about the people here and how much they care. We spoke once about depression and you said you weren't sure if you had it or not. Hun, I cannot say one way or the other as I am not qualified to do so, but I would say you do have many of the feelings associated with it. If you are open to seeing a counselor, it may be a good idea. Someone to talk with that is a nuetral party. You know we will always give you our support. Get any help available to you so you can begin the process of healing. Let us walk along this road together. The journey can be short or long, depending on the curves in the road. Together we can complete it. I have faith in you hun. And I know you do as well. Take care. :hug:
  5. reborn1961

    reborn1961 Guest

    Feeling down is a normal part of the human cycle and often passes with a little time and a few kind words. Those of us that have struggled with chronic depression do seem to want a way out, often death, and feel hopeless and often worthless.

    The key is to continue to fight and search deep inside yourself for that little bright light that only you can increase to the size of the sun. Easier said than done right? Well life is not easy and we have to accept that. To achieve anything in life takes work, even achieving sanity and happiness. You will never be happy 24/7 as it is not possible for any human. But you can begin to change your thoughts to options other than death.

    Whether it be going for a walk, having ice cream, watching a movie, coming to SF chat, calling a friend, talking to a family member and so on. Make a list of all the options you could do when feeling down and EXCLUDE death. If you eliminate that option and work only with the postive options you may be surprised. Like anything worthwhile, it takes time and practice to teach your mind to not view death as an option. It can be done, it took me just over 30 days after my attempt this summer. I keep a list of all my positives options by my bed and by my chair I watch TV from. Should I feel down, I look over the list and pick an option. Sometimes its chocolate, sometimes a walk, sometimes calling a friend. Give it a shot, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    Good luck, love ya Aba!!!!
  6. Wonderstuff

    Wonderstuff Staff Alumni

    ...I don't have anything to say that hasn't already been said.
    All I can say is :hug: :hug: :hug: Here for you, any time. You are a wonderful, caring, kind and sweet person and it's horrible that you feel so bad :( But you can make it through. I know you can :hug:
    Take care hun :hug:
  7. *dilligaf*

    *dilligaf* Staff Alumni

    always here if you want to talk :hug:
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