Why when things seem as they could be improving i.e it looks like I will be allowed to stay on the course am I still obsessed by my own death? The pictures of it are going round and round. I know things are still a bit up in the air but I have had reassurance from the course director that she wants me to stay doing the course. It's just a meeting to iron a few things out on Wednesday. I am still dreading it as I know I will have to talk about my self harm. I think I have rationalised with myself that if my psychiatrist thought I needed a mental health act assessment he wouldn't wait to see me for another 6 weeks would he? Surly if it was a serious possibility and not just something thrown around he would have been more concerned about my mental health and not wait 6 weeks before the next appointment. Because if it was me and I was thinking of getting a MHA on someone I would be concerned about their mental health and capacity and would not be waiting another 6 weeks to see them. I would possibly arrange to see them in 2 weeks. But then why mention it? To scare me? Doubt it, they are professionals. I haven't told them about the suicidal thoughts. I don't think I would act on them. Not yet anyway. I have "if that happens" plans that are set but that is it really. Well in terms of definite. The rest is thinking of methods. I suppose I do still feel that if I found a method that would work, that wasn't painful and didn't look like suicide I would probably still go ahead with it. I don't understand my head.