why.?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, Feb 5, 2012.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    this last week has been horrible - last few days worse

    been lining up my...tools...on the kitchen table for the last two mornings and staring at them - carrying them with me in case an opportunity presents itself

    not hard but i have to be able to get away without notice so i won't be interrupted

    don't want to die at home

    can't keep my tears under control - and i don't even know where they come from half the time

    no control over my job, my family, my emotions

    this is the last thing i have left that i can take control of

    don't know how to keep going any more
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hugs to you h un YOu keep going okay keep trying hun i know it is so hard but don't cause this pain to your family please hang on hugs
     
  3. cc1990

    cc1990 Well-Known Member

    I was looking at my knife collection I have yesterday and I cut myself. I put the knife up to my neck and I held it there for what seemed like forever, I just kept thinking with my eyes closed.... thinking.... thinking..... then I put it down and I was so nervous I was shaking. I know I can do it, I will. I just don't know when. I don't want to suffer another year of boredom and living in this shitty town with no options or future. 2 years is enough. :(
     
  4. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    Having a really hard time weighing their potential pain against my actual pain

    Why is theirs more important than mine
     
  5. flyingdutchmen

    flyingdutchmen Well-Known Member

    Because you are someone who cares more about others than about himself, which says alot about you as a person and father and believe me their "potential" (why do we even use that word?) pain
    will be bigger than you will ever have imagined
     
  6. RonPSH

    RonPSH Banned Member

    Can you look into yourself and see what is it inside you that is a stronger force for life than your mind's idea for death?

    Your mind is your enemy and you mind can change to a friend. It's nothing but a bio-logic process that is out of control It's not life that needs to be controlled but the mind and to control the mind is to "let go" and not let it take you anywhere. The mind is the world's greatest "blamer" so it's easy to get into the trap of thinking everyone around you or life or God is a bastard and you will make them pay with pain, but truly the enemy is the thought process and that can be fixed.
     
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