Will ED kill me?

I think my eating disorder has officially won. It is more important than anything else. I sat in my psychiatrist's office today and the whole time I was talking I was congratulating myself for not eating all day and focusing on the fries I promised myself I could binge on after my appointment and then purge. It's the only way I was able to make it to that appointment, I needed the motivation of food. Otherwise, I would have stayed in bed all day resting from the previous nights binge cycle and trying to stay away from food during the day because I thrive on feeling empty.

And so I drove home, stopped for fries, binged, stopped at the grocery store and walked around like I was lost with an empty cart, I did not even know why I was there. Just being around food was overwhelming and exciting at the same time. Ended up buying yogurt, and sugar cookies. Binged on cookies. Got home. Purged. Drank a lot of water, purged again. And now I am scared to death of food again, but it's also the only thing I can think about. I just want to be thin, it's the only thing I have ever really wanted.

 

hi Swimmergirl, im not an expert in purging, but i know how it is to have an eating disorder. I too suffer from one, i binge, then i dnt eat anything for days on end, then i eat a little, then not eat, then binge, and not eat...it's all a vicice cycle. I might not know u, but I know you can, and will find the correct coping skills to get your mind off ur disoder. Have u tried just going outside and walk or walk a dog, play ball, or just sit and watch the cars go by? and if you can't stop thinking bout food and have to eat, try and find something healthy to eat, like protein bars, fruit, veggies, or even certain types of yougert?