Will he ever be okay?

Discussion in 'Grief and Bereavement' started by thedropoftheworld, Sep 30, 2009.

  1. thedropoftheworld

    thedropoftheworld New Member

    I have known my now ex boyfriend for 15 years. We dated for a year and a half. About two and a half months ago he found his father after he had committed suicide. Being away at the time i flew back to the city immediately stayed with him. He did not want me more than an arms reach away. I was his safety and his protection from everything and everyone. He was strong for his family, but when he was alone, taking a shower etc, i could hear him crying. A few days after the funeral, I had to return to where I was to pick up my car. When I returned, he seemed better than he ought to of. After talking about the situation with him, his explanation seemed viable.. that if his father did not want to live- he would not be upset with his father for no longer being with them. Which i realize now, is less than an acceptable ending.
    After a summer vacation, things seemed a little off, but it is what i expected. Actually no.. I did not know what to expect and therefore I let everything slide. When he asked me to take everything at his house home, I obliged because he was moving rooms and stated he wanted to clean everything up. This was the beginning of a straight fall down. About a month ago he broke up with me with a straight face. I was bawling and he had nothing. It was at this moment I looked at him, i really looked at him and saw nothing but sadness in his face.
    After this happened, I developed, and still am in, a strong denial. I feel as though this decision, although it may be necessary for him now, is so wrong for the future. I began writing him letters, and would drop them off without seeing him. I would tell him not that i knew what he was going through, but that i know what it is like to feel so emotionless and lost. I did this for some time. Whenever I wanted to talk to him about the situation, i would write to him instead. I was told by all of our shared friends that i should reduce time and communication with him because he needed time.
    At this point I was so frustrated. Why is it only me that has to be pushed away? Him and I are best friends too.. why am i the only one to be completely executed from his life. I am still frustrated but seem to be more okay because we text everyday, which may very well be the most useless, impersonal form of communication possible. He will not see me and whenever we have plans he breaks them hours before.
    I am sad. My best friend moved away and he became my best friend when she did so. Now, i have lost two. I feel ridiculous in getting upset to any of our friends because he lost his father, his best friend for good, so what do i have to be upset about? I am so sad for him and I dont want to lose him.
  2. lost43215

    lost43215 Well-Known Member

    *hug*. That is pretty heartbreaking, especially with all that you 2 have been through, u 2 must have had a really tight bond, which only makes the breaking up and distancing thing worse. Eventually he may end up comming back to you and try to restart a friendship, but I doubt it'll go back to a relationship again. His life is changed now... Keep him as a friend of course, but you'll have to come to the realization that things just will prob never be the same again as it once was.
  3. TaraB3ar

    TaraB3ar Well-Known Member

    I dont know your ex-boyfriend so I dont know how he would react to this but my ex was the same way. He had a lot of issues with his parents and would often try to push me away. But I wouldn't let him, I knew what was going on so I sat in his bedroom and said that I wasnt going to leave until he talked to me. He cursed and yelled at me and told me to get out but I just sat there. Eventually a while later he broke down started crying and hugged me and spilled how he was feeling... Maybe he's trying to run away from his problems and needs someone to not let him. But like I said, I dont know your boyfriend so only you know if this is something that would be helpful for him. But even if he wont open up, you just being there through text im sure means a lot to him. He's lucky to have someone who cares about him so much.