Will I always be alone?

Discussion in 'The Uncertainty Principle' started by Forgotten_Man, Oct 5, 2006.

?

For statistics only "Humor me"

  1. Yes

    14 vote(s)
    31.1%
  2. No

    17 vote(s)
    37.8%
  3. You will be alone for a while

    11 vote(s)
    24.4%
  4. "It varies really"...... ((I am so cool I did not listen to your request))

    3 vote(s)
    6.7%
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  1. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ok so here is my thought. I have another thread somewhere about the way I see the world. Basically it says if something is ment to happen it will.

    So my question is regarding mates, or significant others. I figure that if a person is truly interested in me they will approach me, and they will pursue me. You see I am moderately paranoid and think very little of myself. So I would automatically unconsciously reject any and all "advances" on myself. I honestly do not know what flirting is or how to flirt or when I have being flirted with. I never learned these things. But that aside since I am a male it is assumed that the male makes the advances. Well I believe that is complete and utter crap. I believe that if a female, or other male I really don't care. Wants to make an advance on me they will. But I am told very much so otherwise. I have been told by a majority of people that if I think that way I will be alone.

    So what do you guys think? Honestly, none of this "well it varies from person to person" crap that I get everywhere. Based on your observations of the universe around you what do you think? Will I be alone all my life?
     
  2. WeepingWillow

    WeepingWillow Well-Known Member

    No you won't always be alone. It may not happen when you want, or how you want but it will happen. Sometimes, at some point there is someone but not the way that you want, so you don't recognize it. But eventually, what you want and need will come along. NO ONE was ever meant to be alone and so if you want it, it will happen. Everyone needs someone and we will not be denied that person. We all have a purpose but it goes both ways-we have needs to and those needs will be met. I'm tired so I hope this makes sense. But altho I feel alone most times, I still believe no one will stay that way.

    Adding to this, nothing is ever up to the male or female-I dont like that idea and plenty of people move outside that idea.
    You may think and feel you will always be alone, it doesnt mean it will happen that way. Lots of us think little of ourselves. It doesnt mean we arent deserving of what comes to us. Someone may pursue you and you may not see it, or you may reject it but if it's the right person, they will still be there. Sometimes you have to learn to be open to things, it can take awhile. It sucks to be hurt and thats why we close ourselves off. But its -so- worth it when we take that chance and it turns out okay. Im not good at giving advice. I just put down my thoughts.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 5, 2006
  3. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ha ha it is fine advice on this topic is more or less hard to give.

    I guess really what you are saying is that it will happen because there is no reason for it not to happen. But I put up the idea of this post assuming I do a fairly normal amount of recreational socializing, which I do not do. Really I am just trying to kill my hope so I can stop feeling.

    I just put down my thoughts on the idea too. A co-worker of mine told me that my beliefes would make me be alone for a long time. And that is if I naturally socialized, like went out to places of socializing. But I do not do that so yeah.
     
  4. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I know if I keep going the way I do, I will always be alone. But I'm so screwed up, it would take too much effort for me to get on the right path and start socializing, I've just been used to being alone for so long, I don't know what to do. :sad:
     
  5. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Ahhh yes I know that feeling that is the way I am as well. I am socially sucky, I should have put a disclaimer in there saying "I say this assuming that I might be social, which I am not" so I am right there with you.
     
  6. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    I'm not all here right now, so i'll make this brief. I was alone for years and NEVER socialized and only had one semi-friend. One day I met this girl while with my semi-friend. I don't know why we started talking or even what it was about, but we stayed in touch. Slowly she became my friend. Now we are married with kids. Hang in there, if it was ment to happen then it will happen.
     
  7. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    Well, I suppose thats a flicker of hope for me huh? I also haven't socialized or had friends for years and I've gotten used to it like Forgotten_Man I think and I'm always anxious, thinking that I will be alone for the rest of my life. It worries me a lot sigh.......
     
  8. CRUSHED

    CRUSHED Well-Known Member

    I even ask myself that question. The answer always seems to be "YES". I even imagine me someday old and crimpy dieing peacefully in my worm bed ALONE.
    And other times, future seems optimistic and promising!

    Either ways, it's all going to end with me. It is always ME:sad: . Sometimes I can't distinguish between someone just being nice or flirting (guy or girl it doesn't matter to me too):blink: .

    I guess deep inside me I want to be alone, because dealing with people is hard enough not to mention love. Besides alone was all I had got since forever, its going to be a challenge if I ever decide to love or if love lands on my doorstep.

    Being alone has become a daily strife for me, but it's become part of me and who I am. I don't really know if I want it to go, having to think about relationships is scary how than would it feel?

    Dear Forgotten_Man
    If you don't want to be alone, than you shouldn't, you'll find somebody someday.
    You just have to take bold steps and be courageous. That's how it would be for me if I had to go for it.
    Just know what you really want. What you really want.
    :unsure:
     
  9. pillowperson27

    pillowperson27 Active Member

    most women want their men to be strong, mentally. unless the girl is suffering from depression herself and has an open mind, i don't think you have a chance. I know i don't because i am fucking depressed every fucking day. to be honest, even the depressed women would rather date go-happy guys because they can find their salvation that way.. anyway, this is what i think, just an opinion, false or truth, it doesn't really matter to me.
     
  10. consciousinsane

    consciousinsane Well-Known Member

    That maybe true. However, women also like honesty. And by being honest with someone, that could make you mentally stronger. Therefore increasing your chances of finding a mate. Course I wouldn't just unload on a person. Just start with a small piece, then as you become closer open up more and more. If it is ment to be, they will Love you even more as you wander thru life together.

    Course this is easier said than done. That's why it happens when you least expect it.
     
  11. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    So to the first part if it is ment to happen it will, at least someone agrees with me. Just not my direct line of thought. I believe that if it was ment to happen life would throw me hints and prepare me along the way. But that is good for you, it instills almost no hope in me but yeah good for you. All I know is that even if I do find someone to be my mate other deciscions and ideas and beliefes will tear us apart.

    As for the second part. I would hope so because I could not keep up the front that would be needed to atain a mate through force.


    Ahhh I see back to the whole choices decide your life idea. I hate that idea because that means that I suck a choosing things and therefore suck at life. But right I am so incredibly used to being alone it is affecting me less and less. Thinking about the complexities of relationships and how most of my beliefes would make anyone leave me also helps to snuff out that hope as well.

    Hurray I am a weak wuss of a man as it stands. But then again I don't see how speaking to another shows strength. I mean you can appear strong on the outside but in reality you could be the weakest being alive.
     
  12. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    I can say with certainty that there isn't a 100% of you being along for the rest of your life, it is not written in stone, there is a chance for you to find a mate.

    I too have been alone for much of my life and right now keep wondering if I ever will get a mate, or if I even want one? I know that I am a fucking social retard and everyone else around me can make friends, companions without even thinking about it, and it really frustrates and depresses me.

    I don't know if you'll find a mate by either changing yourself a bit or by continuting the way you are, I'm pretty sure if I keep going the way I am going, I will be alone for the rest of my life.

    But then I also wonder that is it a bad thing? We've been taught that being alone for the rest of your life is such a horrible way to live. Humans are social creatures huh? I dunno if I'm human then.....or maybe I am, but I just can't become social because of how inferior I am to everyone.
     
  13. StPatty

    StPatty Member

    I do find this to be true. It's sort of a trap, isn't it? Because it makes it so that if you don't have much confidence, its real tough to gain any. I know that has been my case for a long while now. And knowing this, I can feign confidence a little bit, but after awhile the fact that I have trouble with it shows through. Fortunately, there are a lot of other things that girls look at too.

    This is something that helped me, after I spent a lot of time with a girl that I loved more than any other. I never got to date her, I was her friend for months and saw her every day. She knew I liked her, and I knew even though she liked me a lot, it wasn't the same way. So we were friends until the situation had torn me up more emotionally than I care to recall, and I let that slip to her, and we grew apart. The only reason I could cling to any self-confidence was that I didn't have to try very hard to find evidence that she missed me at least half as much as I missed her. (She made it as easy on me as she knew how... thank God I only invested so much in someone that would never try to hurt me.)

    This story helped me feel better about it, maybe it can apply to you, if you have ever found someone you really loved. If you remember the story of Narcissus, this is a continuation, after he drowned in the lake:

    "Why do you weep?" the goddesses asked.
    "I weep for Narcissus," the lake replied.
    "Ah, it is no surprise that you weep for Narcissus," they said, "for though we always pursued him in the forest, you alone could contemplete his beauty close at hand."
    "But... was Narcissus beautiful?" the lake asked.
    "Who better than you to know that?" the goddesses said in wonder. "After all, it was by your banks that he knelt each day to contemplate himself!"
    The lake was quiet for some time. Finally, it said:
    "I weep for Narcissus, but I never noticed that Narcissus was beautiful. I weep because, each time he knelt beside my banks, I could see in the depths of his eyes, my own beauty reflected."
    "What a lovely story," the Alchemist thought.
    (part of the prologue from "The Alchemist" by Paulo Coelho)

    I think that a girl will only like you if you like yourself. THAT is the best substitute for confidence there is. Therefore it's important to realize what is good about you, first--sometimes that's tough to see until you find it in someone else.

    Good luck man, keep your head up!!
     
  14. The `varies from person to person` idea is indeed crap for the most part, there are several universal truths you need to get to grips with. Firstly, whether you will be alone forever depends mostly on how proactive you are in your pursuit of finding a mate. If you wait for `fate` to intervene or for other women to make the first move you could be waiting indefinitely. I have some invaluable pieces of information for you to help improve your chances immeasurably (much of this has to do with developing a healthy self esteem which is half the battle, trust me).

    1) No matter who you are, success with women is a numbers game;
    remember rejection is your friend. The more times you are rejected, the more likely you are to be successful on your next approach

    2) Don`t look for a `relationship`. This leads to putting the women on a pedestal + supplicating to her which results in a lack of respect. You deserve to have as many women as possible, hit on as many and as often as possible. Once you have slept with a hundred women, you will be the ultimate desirable male specimen and they will be falling over themselves to be with you. You will have your pick of women which is what you DESERVE

    3) Confidence is by far the most important factor in being a success with women. Looks, intelligence, money take a back seat and are minute in importance by comparison. A sense of humour is also very important. I know confidence isnt always the easiest thing to come by when youre feeling depressed but it is something you can develop,unlike good looks. Take comfort from the fact that WHAT YOU DO IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHO YOU ARE (ie how rich and handsome you happen to be).

    4) The worst thing you can do is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Be proactive, even if it means making an arse of yourself. ANY MAN ON THE PLANET is capable of this.

    5) make no apologies for your desires as a male. It is your biological imperative to have sex with many beautiful women.
    Fuck issues of `fidelity` and `romance`, they lead to you putting the female on a `pedestal` which is the last thing you want.
    SHE is lucky to be with YOU, not the other way round.

    If you forget everything else I`ve suggested, remember rule number 4 You can`t achieve what you want without even TRYING. Once you put this mindset into action and reap it`s rewards everything else will fall into place. It is my opinion/experience that you don`t need to be part of a social circle to have success in this area. In some regards it`s actually better to be alone because you don`t have jealousy issues with your other friends (this is important to me as I suffer from the green eyed monster greatly). Thanks
    for reading and good luck.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Oct 14, 2006
  15. TheBLA

    TheBLA Well-Known Member

    innocent soul dismembered, that was quite a good post and I agree with mostly what you said, its too bad I probably can't do any of the points you said though. :sad: :sad: :sad:
    You are right in that we have to make an effort, nothing will happen if we do nothing. Easier said than done however. MUCH easier said than done.
     
  16. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Meh it is not a bad thing most of the time. Really it is a good thing, sometimes, because then I don't have to worry about others needs.

    I know all about the social retarded thing. I have panic attacks when people talk to me. Lucky for me though I have gotten used to them.

    So Innocent Soul Dismemebered. Basically you are not only telling me to throw out my current beliefes you are also telling me to embrace the exact opposite of those beliefs. Make no mistake I am not a normal male, like yourself, I do not have sexual desires. In reality I have no interest in having sex and on top of that the process well disgusts me. I am looking for a companion nothing more. Someone to be there throughout my life someone I can trust and love. And last time I checked love is not a prerequiste for sex, though people seem to think so. But when I get tired of living I will definitly take your advice and become a hipocrite in its purest form so that way my self-loathing and hatrad would lead me to kill myself.

    Also you have to keep in mind that I am a complete wuss. I have no confidence what so ever, why the hell else would I be posting online if I did have confidence? I could go find someone in reality to talk to about this.

    And then I have to ask the fundemental question: why do I have to have the confidence. It is the 21st century things have changed let women have the confidence.
     
  17. Come What(Ever) May

    Come What(Ever) May Well-Known Member

    If you want something to happen you have to act towards it, you can't just sit there hoping it will happen. Trust me I've been there. I should've acted but I didn't now im so fucking depressed over it.
     
  18. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    WEll why can't I just sit and see if something happens? If it is to be then it will be.
     
  19. I've been alone all my life, and I got used to it. I don't care about it anymore and just do other stuff so I never think about it. Plus, i'm too degenerate & weird for there to even be a chance of having any kind of friends so I just don't give a shit anymore.
     
  20. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am working on it. But for some reason I cannot escape these feelings. I want to have someone to talk to that is all really. I lie here in the dark and I speak aloud... I don't know I guess I just want to be heard. Talking into the dark just makes me sad I guess.

    But really that is not the question on trial here. Do you think if I continue in my ways will I remain alone forever?
     
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