Will I ever feel that way again?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends and Relationships' started by darklogic, Feb 29, 2008.

  1. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    There's only been one person that I ever feel madly truely in love with. My last boyfriend I had was unlike anyone I'd ever met. The relationship ended badly and I moved thousands of miles away to escape the pain. Almost a year has passed but it hasn't made much difference. My heart is still broken and it just won't heal. Dating people since has been one miserable and dissapointing experience after another. I just haven't found anyone who makes me feel the way he did.

    I remember the first time I saw him so clearly. I instantly felt attracted to him like I've never felt attracted to anyone before. Ever since that first moment I just wanted to know him so badly. Then when I did get to know him I fell for him hard and fast. I tried not to but I just couldn't help it. He wasn't the easiest person to get to know and neither was I. We both had strong walls built around us. But when we were able to see inside each other...I can't describe it. I've never felt that way before. I've never shown myself to someone in that way. But like any two people we both saw the world differently and our relationship contained much conflict and drama because of it. Despite our disagreements we understood and cared for one another. But the stronger our connection grew the scarier it became. It was getting too serious it seemed. He asked me to move in with him and I told him I wasn't sure, which created doubt within him. He lost trust in me and became increasingly controlling. I rebelled as I hate being told what to do by anyone. We fought. Eventually our insecurities pushed us apart.

    I loved him. I really honestly loved him. But I never told him. I wasn't able to say it. And I'll always regret it.

    I can't seem to forget about him either. It's not always so bad but when something reminds me of him I still feel like crying. Sometimes I do cry if I absolutely can't help it. I hate crying. I hate that I still feel this way.

    I haven't seen or talked to him in months. For all I know he's moved on and is living his life without even thinking about me. Actually, I hope he is because living this way is torture. To keep longing for something that's so far gone, clinging to these memories as if they were something precious. I just want to feel that happiness again but I rarely feel happy when I remember him. I only feel my heart ache and a great lump in my throat. I feel the emptyness and I just want him beside me again.

    If it wasn't love I don't know what it was. I don't know if I'll ever feel that way about anyone again.

    I don't know if I want to.
     
  2. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    Can't say I have any experience myself. But there's always the stories to relate to. Some people seem to be able to fall for someone just as passionate again, even if it some times takes years. Then there's the other stories about those who never gets over it... unfortunately these people seem to turn into rather bitter individuals :\

    You put it very well yourself... do you want to feel that way about someone again? Maybe that marks the difference, I dunno - never managed to fall for anyone myself.
     
  3. darklogic

    darklogic Active Member

    I say that I don't want to but if that were really true why would I even care? Why would I be worried that it will never happen again?

    It's just that I'm a weird person and it is very rare that I can even find someone to be friends with...let alone fall in love with.

    I know I should just let the past go. However, it's easier said than done. Love rarely follows logic. It just sort of happens. You FEEL it. It's not something you think through. But, obviously, we weren't right for each other or we'd still be together, right?

    I guess I'll just keep living and hope that someday I find someone to steal my breath again.
     
  4. Mortem

    Mortem Well-Known Member

    I'd say that seems like a most wise decision. There's over 6 billion people on this peculiar spinning ball, who knows what might happen.

    As for feelings you're absolutely right, it would be convenient with a switchboard for emotions some times.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 5, 2008