ok im so depressed life is going no where for my
im nineteen
my whole life has been taken from me and destroyed
a year ago i went through extreme abuse i was brainwashed and my very life was near death i had alot of mental problems that where caused by all this my mom abanded me 5 hours away i came home she wouldnt see me and hung up on me then i went to my dads his friends 2 women surprisingly not men where the abusers including him... the abuse was terrible i was beat over 40 times a day and was forced too sit in a chair all day for 4 months my own father was part of this ......... as of yesterday ive been feeling very depressed so i thought id write this...i would commit suiced since this life is so hard but of course i dont want to go to hell...ive been there before(the abuse) but not sure i want to go there again..im trying god the whole jesus thing i know you cant try but god hasnt done anything for me its been 1 year since all of this and i have a part time job wich is a miracle a part time job under terrible flourescent lights that are causing me to go blind i fear my the abuse and almost being destroyed by someone in the occult wich i wont go into because i barely under stand it...my whole childhood has been filled with fear shame and just turmoil...and if there where any good times i wouldnt remember because my brain shut off my imagination doesnt work and i have no past memory except of the abuse...im an artist ya know and will i ever be sane what i went through caused a lot of physical pain ...my back etc....is this life worth living if god is real why is everythning so bad.....i hate the way i think who i am the way i am ...i hate my self so much...this is barely half of it....i wish id waited till i was married to have sex...i wish i wasnt mental...i wish i could get better so i could do something in life ...instead of hiding in a mental prison
im nineteen
my whole life has been taken from me and destroyed
a year ago i went through extreme abuse i was brainwashed and my very life was near death i had alot of mental problems that where caused by all this my mom abanded me 5 hours away i came home she wouldnt see me and hung up on me then i went to my dads his friends 2 women surprisingly not men where the abusers including him... the abuse was terrible i was beat over 40 times a day and was forced too sit in a chair all day for 4 months my own father was part of this ......... as of yesterday ive been feeling very depressed so i thought id write this...i would commit suiced since this life is so hard but of course i dont want to go to hell...ive been there before(the abuse) but not sure i want to go there again..im trying god the whole jesus thing i know you cant try but god hasnt done anything for me its been 1 year since all of this and i have a part time job wich is a miracle a part time job under terrible flourescent lights that are causing me to go blind i fear my the abuse and almost being destroyed by someone in the occult wich i wont go into because i barely under stand it...my whole childhood has been filled with fear shame and just turmoil...and if there where any good times i wouldnt remember because my brain shut off my imagination doesnt work and i have no past memory except of the abuse...im an artist ya know and will i ever be sane what i went through caused a lot of physical pain ...my back etc....is this life worth living if god is real why is everythning so bad.....i hate the way i think who i am the way i am ...i hate my self so much...this is barely half of it....i wish id waited till i was married to have sex...i wish i wasnt mental...i wish i could get better so i could do something in life ...instead of hiding in a mental prison