will i survive i have no memory

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by wuzzy, Dec 1, 2007.

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  1. wuzzy

    wuzzy New Member

    ok im so depressed life is going no where for my
    im nineteen
    my whole life has been taken from me and destroyed
    a year ago i went through extreme abuse i was brainwashed and my very life was near death i had alot of mental problems that where caused by all this my mom abanded me 5 hours away i came home she wouldnt see me and hung up on me then i went to my dads his friends 2 women surprisingly not men where the abusers including him... the abuse was terrible i was beat over 40 times a day and was forced too sit in a chair all day for 4 months my own father was part of this ......... as of yesterday ive been feeling very depressed so i thought id write this...i would commit suiced since this life is so hard but of course i dont want to go to hell...ive been there before(the abuse) but not sure i want to go there again..im trying god the whole jesus thing i know you cant try but god hasnt done anything for me its been 1 year since all of this and i have a part time job wich is a miracle a part time job under terrible flourescent lights that are causing me to go blind i fear my the abuse and almost being destroyed by someone in the occult wich i wont go into because i barely under stand it...my whole childhood has been filled with fear shame and just turmoil...and if there where any good times i wouldnt remember because my brain shut off my imagination doesnt work and i have no past memory except of the abuse...im an artist ya know and will i ever be sane what i went through caused a lot of physical pain ...my back etc....is this life worth living if god is real why is everythning so bad.....i hate the way i think who i am the way i am ...i hate my self so much...this is barely half of it....i wish id waited till i was married to have sex...i wish i wasnt mental...i wish i could get better so i could do something in life ...instead of hiding in a mental prison
  2. wuzzy

    wuzzy New Member

    writing this is almost a joke becuase well its very vague....but i hate my self i struggle so much with m thoughts there always just go crazy in my head almosmt self destructively anyways this is nothing but id like someone to top me with a terrible story so maybe i wont feel so bad.
  3. 89mike

    89mike Active Member

    I dont know to what extend they abused you but why not trying to go to the police.
  4. RySp123

    RySp123 Guest

    I have no idea to the extend of the abuse yet it doesnt matter. Abuse is abuse and shold be reported as mike says. Furthermore or aside from reporting it, you do need to deal with all this and here enters the most important part of your healing. Either by medication alone or combined with psicotherapy. I suggest you to see a psychiatrist to understand the extend of the hurting you are into so to help you 'medicament wise' to support or alleviate some of the thoughts and feelings it puts you in and he-she will advise you better about the need or give you referal to a psicologist to begin a therapy.

    From what I understand the abuse has been heavy and long lasting so i believe you do need both psychiatrist and psicologist.

    To be able to talk about it even here is a hard step but you have succeeded in opening up so that is a good sign of your positive disposition to deal and heal.

    I'd further suggest that you start writing in a book all of the memories you have, what happend and also a daily in which you will write about all that goes to your mind daily which you will then share with the psichiatrist and or psicologist so to give them an idea of what goes on in the inner part of your being. I suggest this as it is not always easy to open up and speak freely of such ordeal with a stranger in front of us. I've used and stil use this mode and it has and still helps who's caring for me as it is an up to date on how things progress or regress. No need to remember anything and no need to worry about if i forgot to tell or ask him something specific that i would otherwise forget in the stress or emotion state i migt be in during session.

    You can concentrate on the session itself and for the rest,it is all in the diary so write both what is onyour mind, what are your thoughts, memories etc and if you have questions or worries or whatever you wish him to know or to ask... write it also in the book. It will become your portable mental-emotional agenda type thing.

    Hope this will help you some and wish you the very best of luck. I know you must be hurting a great deal but all will work out... just reach out and do seek professional care. You will eventually see the light at the end of this tunnnel I am convinced.

    Good luck and please stay safe
    granny x
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