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Will I survive this weekend?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by nicolaj1992, Jul 15, 2010.

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  1. nicolaj1992

    nicolaj1992 Member

    Well, over the past few years things have just got worse and worse for me.

    This week I have felt so suicidal most of the time and I am amazed that I have not attempted anything yet.

    I am seriously thinking that something may happen this week (a suicide attempt). I have not planned anything but I can just tell from the way I'm feeling and the attempts which have happened in the past that something might happen.

    I live in the UK and tomorrow is Friday. There are near enough no mental health services over the weekend (Saturday and Sunday) and I really don't know what to do.

    Last week I updated my suicide note and for about the past four weeks I have noticed that I have been accumulating medications, and now have an extremely large quantity which I find myself unable to get rid of.

    I really don't know what to do as I am convinced that nothing will change and I can't tolerate feeling the way I am feeling anymore. So many things have been tried but doesn't help the way I feel - college, hospital admissions, medications, etc. I just feel that I would be so much more use in death - as I am an organ donor, than I will ever be when I am alive as my life would be so limited due to things which have happened in my past etc x
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Banned Member

    Hi Nicola. I'm so sorry to hear that you're feeling really down right now, but please, flush away those medications so that you're not tempted to take them all at once. Also, most overdose attempts end up in the hospital and you're more likely to cause organ damage and make life much worse. You also mentioned that you would like to be an organ donor, which is a very noble idea to share your organs, but to be an organ donor, you have to be alive (but brain-dead) so that your organs are viable. If you were to commit suicide, your organs would not be viable and could not be donated. Please don't give up hope hun. :hug:
  3. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member


    I am very sorry things are so bad for you. I am praying for you and hope you do too.


    You sound like a very GOOD person,with orhan donorship and all. We need you to stay here with us and be our friend.PLEASE.

    We will help you and offer our friendship and love. PLEASE STAY HERE. Tell us everything. We want to know . YOu are welcome and wanted here and you have friends!!!!

    Write me if you like,

  4. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    Things can and will get better. Forget those lying thoughts of death, and suicide. You are a stronger individual than you give yourself credit for. Do you really want to destroy yourself and throw everything away because life gets tough? I don't think so. You have the power to change, do not allow anyone or thing take that away from you. Blessings..
  5. nicolaj1992

    nicolaj1992 Member

    Thanks for the replies guys,

    Marty: I'm really not a good person, I make others feel rubbish and feel intimidated and things. I got banned from a psychiatric hospital as I made the staff feel so bad, and I've got a letter saying that too - which I can't stop reading. Everyone's lives will be so much better if I wasn't here. As much as I appreciate your offer of friendship and love I don't think it's enough, It doesn't make up for the way I make others feel and it won't make the feelings and thoughts I'm getting any easier either.

    Daphna: Things clearly won't get better, they are just constantly getting worse. I have tried so, so much and fought so hard for things to change and get better but I'm just fighting a losing battle. It's not throwing away everything as life is tough, its because life is impossible and always will be for me.

  6. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Nicola-I've been there and did what you're doing right now-stashing as many meds as possible. Please take my advice here and throw them out, seek some professional help. I had a very tough time just getting my doctor to even listen to me, but you can do it,you got banned from a psych hospital, there are many psychs, therapists, docs that can help you. You have to make that first step. we will be here to support you. As cliche as it sounds.. you can move from this, I know from experience and I have gotten past suicidal thoughts. we're all different, we all need different support systems, its crucial that you have one! Im not going to say that tomorrow might be better , but I know that if you keep up the fight, you will get there :arms:

    If you want to chat, I will listen to you.. PM me or add me to msn :)
  7. nicolaj1992

    nicolaj1992 Member


    It's not the first time that I've got myself into the situation of stashing meds, the same thing happened last year just before I got admitted to hospital for six months.

    I can't bring myself to throw them out as it's my security blanket, type thing. I have tried a few times and it just makes me want to take them even more as then I know I don't have to throw them away, as such, but that they might make things different.

    Even though I'm banned from my local psych hospital I am still involved with loads of professionals. I see a social worker once a week, a psychologist once a week, a psychiatrist once a week and a community psychiatric nurse once a week, plus I live in a supported housing scheme too but it doesn't make a difference to how I feel.

    I made the 'first step' long ago but things have just got worse since then, instead of better. My attempts keep getting more serious and my thoughts are getting more frequent too. I really worried myself the other week as I had serious thoughts to self harm (extremely, rather than in a conventional way), even though I don't usually really self harm at all. This, to me, just shows how much worse I am now compared to before.

    Thanks for replying though, I'm glad you've got through your suicidal thoughts <3 x
  8. UnkelHeit

    UnkelHeit Well-Known Member

    Nicola, I'm in the same situation. I haven't gotten through my problems. My life has just gotten worse and worse. As much as I tell myself there's no hope, there has to be some inside of me somewhere or I wouldn't still be here. However I think about leaving every single day.

    I would suggest you throw that letter away. That's just reinforcing all the negativity. I understand the safety blanket thing. Still I also suggest you throw them out. If they damage your organs, they can't be used. It's not a great way to go and nowhere near as certain as you may think.

    I hope you keep holding on, keep trying. There has to be something out there that can help. I have to believe that for both our sakes.
  9. Marty482

    Marty482 Well-Known Member

    Always remember none fo us are perfect. If you have hurt others try to make amends and if you cant pray for them and for forgivness. I still think you are a good person ,you have remorse. Praying for you.

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