Lately I have been very depressed, cried and haven't had a moments rest for days... The past two months feel like years, so much have happened, so much pain, love, dissapointment, fear... Recently I have found out that I suffer from something called "People-Pleasing", social anxiety. I cut and I think about ending my life constantly... One of my biggest problems now is that I was together with this girl I loved, or ... I don't know if I love/loved her, because of my People-Pleasing problem I don't know... last night I told her that I need a break to think etc... Then there is this other girl which I have really gotten to know the past days, I have had a crush on her for years... now today she told me she likes me... I am so confused, I want to please them both, but it wears me down so fast.. I have no more energy, my head feels like it is going to explode... I am physically ill. Together with a lot of pressure in school I am having a very hard time. I have almost gone through with suicide a couple of times, and I feel like I am getting very very close to doing it. I am only 15, but I can't see me go past 17, if this continues. The things I have been through lately and my problems which I have had for many years now are slowly eating me up inside, and now I feel all empty. Sure it might sound great to have two girls that likes you. For me it isn't, I'd rather they didn't... Because of my problems I use all my energy to please everyone without taking a second thought about what it does to me. The girl I said I needed a break from is suicidal, she has been through very very much including abuse, and she says I saved her from ending her life... Now she wants to get back with me, says she can't live without me... This is killing ME, I can't say NO, I try, but can't get myself to say it. Now I feel so ill, my head hurts more than it has ever done, I feel like vomiting and the urge to cut deeper and deeper is there. Just waiting for the right moment to jump out and kill me. I feel like ending my life right here right now... I can't go on like this, yet I can't think about myself... I have to please everyone else but me ALL THE TIME. Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow ? All I know is that I can't go on like this.