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Will it be tonight, tomorrow ? SUICIDE

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Lately I have been very depressed, cried and haven't had a moments rest for days... The past two months feel like years, so much have happened, so much pain, love, dissapointment, fear...

Recently I have found out that I suffer from something called "People-Pleasing", social anxiety. I cut and I think about ending my life constantly...

One of my biggest problems now is that I was together with this girl I loved, or ... I don't know if I love/loved her, because of my People-Pleasing problem I don't know... last night I told her that I need a break to think etc... Then there is this other girl which I have really gotten to know the past days, I have had a crush on her for years... now today she told me she likes me... I am so confused, I want to please them both, but it wears me down so fast.. I have no more energy, my head feels like it is going to explode... I am physically ill. Together with a lot of pressure in school I am having a very hard time.

I have almost gone through with suicide a couple of times, and I feel like I am getting very very close to doing it. I am only 15, but I can't see me go past 17, if this continues. The things I have been through lately and my problems which I have had for many years now are slowly eating me up inside, and now I feel all empty.

Sure it might sound great to have two girls that likes you. For me it isn't, I'd rather they didn't... Because of my problems I use all my energy to please everyone without taking a second thought about what it does to me.

The girl I said I needed a break from is suicidal, she has been through very very much including abuse, and she says I saved her from ending her life... Now she wants to get back with me, says she can't live without me... This is killing ME, I can't say NO, I try, but can't get myself to say it.

Now I feel so ill, my head hurts more than it has ever done, I feel like vomiting and the urge to cut deeper and deeper is there. Just waiting for the right moment to jump out and kill me. I feel like ending my life right here right now... I can't go on like this, yet I can't think about myself... I have to please everyone else but me ALL THE TIME.

Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow ? All I know is that I can't go on like this.


Well-Known Member
I know I can't stop you...I feel your pain. But think of it this way...if you are willing to give your life up, the ultimate gift, how about you just be yourself. I know that sounds generic and bland...but its true. make yourself happy. you are the only one that matters because its your life!
Those final seconds of fading blackness before death is something I usued to think about all time. But its like standing at a cliff and looking down.
Suicide just scares the shit out of me. You're 15 right? Give it some time, a cool down period. You should feel better, thats what I always did and it helped out alot.
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