Will it be tonight, tomorrow ? SUICIDE

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by CursedSoul, Dec 8, 2006.

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  1. CursedSoul

    CursedSoul Active Member

    Lately I have been very depressed, cried and haven't had a moments rest for days... The past two months feel like years, so much have happened, so much pain, love, dissapointment, fear...

    Recently I have found out that I suffer from something called "People-Pleasing", social anxiety. I cut and I think about ending my life constantly...

    One of my biggest problems now is that I was together with this girl I loved, or ... I don't know if I love/loved her, because of my People-Pleasing problem I don't know... last night I told her that I need a break to think etc... Then there is this other girl which I have really gotten to know the past days, I have had a crush on her for years... now today she told me she likes me... I am so confused, I want to please them both, but it wears me down so fast.. I have no more energy, my head feels like it is going to explode... I am physically ill. Together with a lot of pressure in school I am having a very hard time.

    I have almost gone through with suicide a couple of times, and I feel like I am getting very very close to doing it. I am only 15, but I can't see me go past 17, if this continues. The things I have been through lately and my problems which I have had for many years now are slowly eating me up inside, and now I feel all empty.

    Sure it might sound great to have two girls that likes you. For me it isn't, I'd rather they didn't... Because of my problems I use all my energy to please everyone without taking a second thought about what it does to me.

    The girl I said I needed a break from is suicidal, she has been through very very much including abuse, and she says I saved her from ending her life... Now she wants to get back with me, says she can't live without me... This is killing ME, I can't say NO, I try, but can't get myself to say it.

    Now I feel so ill, my head hurts more than it has ever done, I feel like vomiting and the urge to cut deeper and deeper is there. Just waiting for the right moment to jump out and kill me. I feel like ending my life right here right now... I can't go on like this, yet I can't think about myself... I have to please everyone else but me ALL THE TIME.

    Maybe tonight, maybe tomorrow ? All I know is that I can't go on like this.
  2. Grotesque

    Grotesque Well-Known Member

    I know I can't stop you...I feel your pain. But think of it this way...if you are willing to give your life up, the ultimate gift, how about you just be yourself. I know that sounds generic and bland...but its true. make yourself happy. you are the only one that matters because its your life!
  3. CursedSoul

    CursedSoul Active Member

    I know all that, but I just can't do it... I try to, but can't do it...
  4. NavyAirman

    NavyAirman Member

    Those final seconds of fading blackness before death is something I usued to think about all time. But its like standing at a cliff and looking down.
    Suicide just scares the shit out of me. You're 15 right? Give it some time, a cool down period. You should feel better, thats what I always did and it helped out alot.
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