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Will it be worse?

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#1
How come some people just go around and be happy? And content? They are excited, want to do things. Life is not burden to them. I mean I know that everyone has hardships in their life and it is not only fun for them either, but still. They can take a breath and be at peace. At least most of the time. At least some time.

I work so hard to make it bearable. I force myself to be more active at work, so maybe I will be more involved and maybe I finally get some praise. I push myself to contact new people as not to be alone in my flat forever. I try to spend time with my family because it makes them happy. I exercise more, as it is good for my body. I eat healthier as it is good for me. I find activities to do. I go on little vacations. Try freaking hard to build a little wall of good things hoping, that at some point I can also take a breath and not feel that I do not want to be around. To not feel the fear.

I hope, that when I take all those steps, then at some point something changes. Something good happens. Something better comes around. But I have done it for years. Nothing has happened. At least nothing what I hoped. For most of the time I at least occupy my mind enough to not think how I feel. But sometimes something happens. And it is not a turn for good. Instead, those little "good bricks" that I use to build, some of them shatter. They disappear or morph into something negative instead. The wall collapses and I see and feel so well again how living, for me, is a torture. And the biggest torture, as there is no easy way out. Yes. I am also coward and can not ever bring myself to ending it. I have to admit, at least this is hilarious - not even good enough for that.

I do not know, what awaits after all this. But if it is hell, then I do not think it can be a lot worse than this.
 
#2
Sorry that you're feeling so bad Elli
I do not know, what awaits after all this. But if it is hell, then I do not think it can be a lot worse than this
That's awful
How come some people just go around and be happy? And content? They are excited, want to do things. Life is not burden to them
I think what researchers on happiness say is that if you have good health, good relationships, and you have your basic material needs met, then you'll be happy.

This link may have some info about treatment methods that may be useful to you.

Treating Depression, Anxiety, Insomnia, Pain; Other Suicide Help

Sending hugs
 

johnDoen

Outsider in the Realm of Lost and Found
#3
How come some people just go around and be happy? And content? They are excited, want to do things. Life is not burden to them. I mean I know that everyone has hardships in their life and it is not only fun for them either, but still. They can take a breath and be at peace. At least most of the time. At least some time.

I work so hard to make it bearable. I force myself to be more active at work, so maybe I will be more involved and maybe I finally get some praise. I push myself to contact new people as not to be alone in my flat forever. I try to spend time with my family because it makes them happy. I exercise more, as it is good for my body. I eat healthier as it is good for me. I find activities to do. I go on little vacations. Try freaking hard to build a little wall of good things hoping, that at some point I can also take a breath and not feel that I do not want to be around. To not feel the fear.

I hope, that when I take all those steps, then at some point something changes. Something good happens. Something better comes around. But I have done it for years. Nothing has happened. At least nothing what I hoped. For most of the time I at least occupy my mind enough to not think how I feel. But sometimes something happens. And it is not a turn for good. Instead, those little "good bricks" that I use to build, some of them shatter. They disappear or morph into something negative instead. The wall collapses and I see and feel so well again how living, for me, is a torture. And the biggest torture, as there is no easy way out. Yes. I am also coward and can not ever bring myself to ending it. I have to admit, at least this is hilarious - not even good enough for that.

I do not know, what awaits after all this. But if it is hell, then I do not think it can be a lot worse than this.
Some people are fortunate for not having any mental illness, any uncertainty in life, nor any insecurity in themselves. They might have found something that give their life a bit of stability, something that make them happy and meaningful. In many cases, it's the love with someone, a religious call, or a lifetime mission.

I think some of them can be found in the forum if their lifetime mission is about helping people with suicidal thoughts.

We should happy for them, though. We are in the process of finding our own peace, happiness and stability in life. It's pointless to compare if everyone is different, even more pointless to compete in this matter. You work hard and do your best in everything to get a slight of hope. That is something to be proud of.

Why we vs. them, though? There are only us.
 

Bobmrb

Only me πŸ™‰πŸ™ˆπŸ™Š
#5
For what it's worth, I don't think the way someone feels mentally is solely down to that individual or their makeup.
There are so many things that influence one's mental state. Some of which are ingrained from past experiences. Some are as a result of what we experience In the present time. And of course some which are as a result of the actions of others (both now and from the past) over which we have not control.

You are right, some seem to be lucky not to be affected in such away. They seem to be in the right place at the right time, so to speak.

Like you, I wish I new the answer, but I am afraid I do not.
 
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