Will it ever be enough?

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Sigerson H., Nov 8, 2015.

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  1. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Im 18. I got in one of the best colleges in my country. Probably the best. My father always wanted me to be there, and I think i did too. I get good grades. I dont smoke, I rarely drink, I do no drugs, I dont get into fights. But guess what ? My family still thinks im a shit. They say it to my face. "Youre a shit. You play video games. If you only made them...but no, you just play then." So it doesnt matter how much i accomplish, right? Because in the end, if Im a gamer it means im a shit. If i dont think and act like they want me to, im a shit. Im done with this. Im tired. All I think about is buying a plane ticket and leaving the country without warning anyone. I cant stand my father anymore. It looks like if youre not exactly like him, if you dont have the same opinion and the same mindset, then youre just not worth of anything. He should not have kids. He should have clones, and then, maybe, he would be happy. People say its not possible to hate your father...guess i just did the impossible.
     
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hi there and welcome to the forum. It sounds like you are in a bad state of affairs right now. As someone told me lately ''you were born into a family you are not stuck with them'', you are smart, have you thought about moving? If what is going on is making you suicidal what have you got to lose?
    You have just joined a very caring and thoughtful community and we will support you as best as we can. What do you think your options are?
     
  3. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Im not suicidal....not yet. I dont want my life to end. I just want it to be fixed... and i need someone to talk to, thats why Im here.
    I have two options :
    1-) I finish my college graduation in 4 years and then move out with good education curriculum
    2-) i gather money and hopefully in a year i'll have enough to leave the country.

    1st option gets my out with a good insurance of having a great life. But it will take 4 years.
    2nd option gets me out in 1 year, but i might end up in the streets.
     
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I'd go with the first option? Do you mind me asking what you are studying? My sister just got 2 degrees in law, there was a lot of pressure involved but she got there! Do you like college? Have you made friends there? I'm really glad to hear you are not suicidal. I have a lot of experience with suicidal ideation and tendencies from either talking to others or myself so im just glad to hear you're not. Can you cut off contact with your dad and continue or is he pushing and pushing you? Maybe he is not realising what he's doing and think he's spurring you on. You can talk here to us we will talk and help!
     
  5. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Thank you very much ! Its good to have someone to talk to... Im graduating at Insper - Institute of Research and Education (Brazil). Im studying Business and Economics. Yes i love my college. Its pretty hard, a lot of pressure, but i like it. And yes, ive made awesome friends there.
     
  6. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    My dad is not pushing me. And i could stop talking to him, but he's the one supplying me with the money i need to live and we do live in the same house... Also I cannot get a job to live on my own because i study on full time, and my college is ridiculously expensive.

    The thing is...my father is like a dictator. He thinks hes a good father because he give us a good life ( what he understands by good is that we do not have to worry about money ). But he is really abscent. I never had a real emotional conversation with him, its just impossible. Also, if its not the way he wants it, then its not good. He thinks he is God, basically.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    You are very welcome, that is what we are here for, we will support you. Wow you must be an extremely bright spark to be studying what you are. I think the best advice i could give you is to get lost in studying and forget everything, when you are finished the world is your oyster. Glad to hear you have made some great friends, you deserve that, are you very sociable? This site is here for you, you can read others stories and you can keep posting for support too. You deserve it just as much as the next person ((hugs))

    lynn
     
  8. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Very sociable ? Hmm no, not at all. Its really hard for me to connect to someone.
     
  9. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    He wants you to succeed and you can, maybe he knows you can and thats why he is like he is. Just try your best to remain calm and ignore the remarks, you will succeed, you can do it. Good luck, we're here for you.
     
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Is there a counsellor/therapist at your school?
     
  11. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Thank you so much! It really helped. Also "I think the best advice i could give you is to get lost in studying and forget everything, when you are finished the world is your oyster. " really got into me. I will keep that as my mindset from now on. Thank you again.
     
  12. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Yeah. But I never really trusted therapists... The only reason Im in this forum is because I can be anonymous...I dont think I could do that with someone face to face.
     
  13. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    I'm 35, I worked for my father for a very long time. He taught me my trade.

    Trust me, I still hate him. And only in the last couple years, through therapy, have I begun to see the effect on my life.
    I get the "clones" comment.

    While the issues with my father are only a part of my overall situation, one thing I had to do, is "write" very clear rules for my interactions with him.
    I still break them from time to time. And when I do, I'm punished for it. But, when I follow my "rules", and keep our boundaries clear, my life is somewhat easier.

    So, like others have said, be a success on your own. Have clear boundaries with him. Even limit your interactions. It took me a very long time, and a lot of suffering to learn how to do it. You can start early. And your life will be less complicated for it.
     
  14. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Thank you so much for the advice! I might end up working for him for a while too, just so i gather some cash to open my own thing. And i'll do what you said. I certainly will.
     
  15. Sigerson H.

    Sigerson H. Member

    Can you give me examples of those rules ?
     
  16. nothinman81

    nothinman81 Antiquities Friend

    One of my rules is; I don't work for my father. I have my own, albeit failing, business. I have enough going on without him berating me and making my issues worse. So, I would highly recommend you don't work for your father.

    Second; My father is notorious for calling me constantly. As if he has nothing better to do. Most of the time, its just to get a reaction from me. So, I control phone time. I ignore his calls all day. I only *return* his calls and I set a time limit on the call. 10 minutes is enough. If he has something important to say, he has 10 minutes. If not, too bad.

    Third; I call my father by his first name. He's always wanted to be my employer, never my dad. So, he's on a first name basis. It helps keep our interactions somewhat professional/normal. When he's "Dad", he has power over my emotional state. When he's "Stan", he's just another a**hole calling me.

    There are a few others, I can go into more detail if you want.

    There's so much I struggle with. I finally feel like, after all these years I'm getting better at not letting him control my life.
     
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