Will it ever end?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by ashleigh-marie, Oct 11, 2008.

  1. ashleigh-marie

    ashleigh-marie New Member

    When I was 8 the only person I trusted my auntie died all of a sudden without getting to say goodbye, i had to move to kent to help look after my cousins, i swore i would never trust no1 agen and then georgie i did she was 20 when i was about 10 and then 2 years later she developed cancer, my mother/sister figure and best friend had died i watched her and i never got to say goodbye! It broke my heart and thats when i turned cold hearted. Then at 12 I got of the train and a man got of I didnt think anything of it he started walking faster and then so did i and then he started running but my young legs could only take me so far, he put a knife to my throat pushed me in a bush and raped me, i was sick and nearly chocked on it were he had the knifeto my throat and the hand over my mouth. Something trigered inside him he got up and run off. I was left broken aged 12 my innocence taken away. I turned to drugs and done a bottle of vodka everyday along with a weed joint and a couple lines of cocain to wash out the pain i didnt tell nobody swore i would keep it my own dirty little secret. Eventually I had enough and then age 12 tried taking an overdose, it didnt work and then i turned back to drink and drugs, 3 years later I was popular at school and then i fell out with 1 and the other 9 fell out with me, they followed me around school, threatened me made my life a living nightmare, i had enough and told my mum what had happened and she tried to help me to cope but no matter what it will never take away any of the pain. A year later I met a boy matt who i began to love trust with my life and would do honestly anything for him he became my world made me come of the drugs and helped me so much and now i lost him i really dunno what to do, everything is just coming on top of me and i cannot cope, i feel like doing something silly but i carnt coz i no how much it would hurt my family. Im 15 and feel 30 I just wanna be normal be a normal teenager stop crying myself to sleep every night. Please help me! Thanks for reading Ashleigh xxx
     
  2. Dave_N

    Dave_N Guest

    Hi Ashleigh. Sorry to hear about all of the awful things that have happened to you thus far. Maybe a hug will help. :hug:
     
  3. Starlite

    Starlite Senior Member

    Hi Ashleigh

    You have had alot of loss in your life and horrible things have happened to you at a young age. Not to mention the coping skills you have had are not the best and have to be so lonely for you. have you thought about talking to your mom about seeking out professional help for you to learn to cope with things. We are here to support you and to talk to you anytime you need us. :hug:
     
  4. PeaceBlueFire

    PeaceBlueFire Well-Known Member

    Hello Ashleigh-Marie! How are you? I'm sorry you have to experience everything you did in your short life. Nobody should have to experience any of the trauma you have been through. I hope you know that you are loved, by me if no one else. I'm sure there are many people who do love you, especially those of us at SF. I have been through some of the same things you have and know to an extent how difficult they can be to recover from. If you ever need to talk, leave me a message either on here at SF or on my personal e-mail reading6789@hotmail.com and if you feel more comfortable talking on the phone let me know and I'll give you my number. Please accept the help everyone is offering you, don't feel like you have to do this alone. No one should have to go through the things you did alone. I know it's hard to cope or get any closure...impossible really but you have to try. Remember you are always loved and cared for even if it doesn't feel like it at the moment. I hope some of this e-mail helps. Take care of yourself! Erin :)
     
  5. ashleigh-marie

    ashleigh-marie New Member

    Thank you so much for your help, advice and support very much appreciated.