Will it ever end?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Unregistered 2010, Feb 10, 2010.

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  1. I am so tired of living. People don't have to justify wanting a new pair of shoes or what to have for dinner so why do I have to justify wanting to die?

    I am living hour by hour, a day is just too much at the moment. Part of me thinks I should just get a grip & get on with it. But I know it's not that simple, if it was I would have done it a long time ago. I need help but people do not have magic wands, they can't fix what they don't know. I can't fix what I don't know. And to be honest I don't want to be 'fixed' anymore, I just want to slip away.

    I have succeeded in shutting myself off completely, from here & in real life. I feel like I'm sat on the edge waiting for something to come along & tip me over. I know it won't be long, if you look hard enough you'll always find something. The only thing holding me back right now is the fear of failing.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Sorry things are so rough right now...is it possible to register so that you can go to chat and find support there? If not, know there are so many ppl who truly understand this state...I was there once, myself...big hugs, J
  3. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    I don't know what to say. That's how I feel at the moment.
  4. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    If you feel your that close to ending it then you need to go to the hospital and let them stabalise you...Get recommendations for therapists in your area.. I have found therapy works better than any med they can put you on..I hope you stay safe!!!
  5. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    I agree with Stranger1, get help before you get to that point where there is no turning back!
    Lea :hug:
  6. Thanks everyone. I'm already a registered member here but currently on leave, I considered asking to have it revoked but I seen someone ask already & they got told no.

    I'm my own worst enemy at times, but I guess we all are. I'm not quite ready to go back to the doctor, I've spent so many years in therapy & tried more meds than I can remember. I only got discharged from the mental health team a few months ago & for me to go back so soon would just re-iterate how much of a failure I am. I'm also terrified to tell them half the things I'm thinking or even worse the things I've actually done. I can hardly admit it to myself let alone others, at times I feel so ashamed. I've spent so long trying to convince myself that everything's in my head that I actually don't know what's real anymore.

    Having some time out from here was my 'make or break', so far it's going fabulously lol. I do apologise for posting here, it's just without my diary I feel a little lost & even though I don't contribute a whole lot just being here makes me feel a little safer - if that makes any sense?
  7. TWF

    TWF Well-Known Member

    Makes perfect sense to me.
  8. Leiaha

    Leiaha Well-Known Member

    It doesn't make you a failure at all. It just means you were discharged too soon..... before YOU were ready :) Go back as many times as you need to.... I do lol

  9. Thanks TWF & Lea :hug:

    I've done a lot of thinking these past few days. I know what I need to do. The urges are so strong but I need to hold on just a little bit longer.
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