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Will it ever end?

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I don't feel my life anymore ..Just couldn't see the points..I've attempted suicides recently ,but nothing happens ...I got this yellow skin instead ..Those amphetamines resulted in my heart failures ..I appear more pale each day ..I'm gonna try to commit suicide by other way but I want it to be in subtlety ..Making it looks accidental ..In this community ,committing suicide is against the norm ..Furthermore ,I'm regarded as a "perfect " person..Will they ever know that I'm broken ...I'm living a life without a sense of direction ..This isn't my life ..Yes ,I'm extremely depressed ,just couldn't cope with the pressure here..I feel such an outcast .I never had any friends rather than hypocrites ..Difficulties in studies..when I try to live my life ,I've been kicked out ..I pledged to myself that I'm not gonna be an outspoken anymore ..The incident that happened to me before(the damned presentation project) has ended me up in a situation where I got more enemies ..Hey ,I'm just 18 ..Why is my life so unbearable????..I'm just a freak ..
your not a freak! I hope that you choose not to end your life. Although you may think that no one cares, just from reading that, I would care. And I'm not just saying that.
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