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Will she ever talk to me or am I just a creep dreamer?

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by NoMoneyToPlease, Dec 3, 2010.

  1. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I have been obsessively following a woman online for two years.At one point she made cry awfully by telling me to go take pills in one of her videos,i felt bombed out for weeks afterwards but i still continued to monitor her online presence faithfully,something I'm proud of because when a woman is that hurtful towards me I usually take as a sign she does not like me and I back off.I think I am growing up,becoming more resilient.
    Anyway,we communicate by making videos to each other ,we don't address each other in them or link them or anything but this has not stopped love from developing.Just because she has never said my name in any of her videos this does not mean nothing.Everything she does is meant for me,I can see it in her eyes.
    We are fated to be together it seems.
    I know what you're thinking but this is not all one way traffic,i am sure if she ever talked to me we would hit it off big time.A short while ago i sent her an intimate e-mail and she replied to the effect that she did not know who i was.
  2. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    Hi there.

    From an outside point of view, your post sounds a bit..

    Ok well I have to be honest, this sounds like digital stalking. You're attributing alot of personal feelings to someone who is not reciprocating them, or who really knows who you are. You're filling in alot of the gaps yourself to make a relationship appear, when infact there is none, and quite possibly all your feelings are self created. Im not trying to be mean, I'm just trying to help. I really think you should leave her alone to be honest.

    What about her makes you like her so much?
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2010
  3. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    O.O huh...to me that's called stalking...its like thinking the person on tv is really talking to you instead of millions of people...she's probably sending this vid to millions of people and not just targeting you...

    if a woman asks you to leave her alone and tells you she doesn't know who you are, leave her alone...she's not interested, and you're making her life a living hell...I've been stalked on the internet before and trust me, that drove me insane and I couldn't trust anyone who would talk to me on the internet because I thought it was him in disguise...

    this is also a crime, she can press charges against you, even here on the internet...I think you need professional help...
  4. nobody man

    nobody man Well-Known Member

    Sorry but blake and living are right. She may be sending her videos to hundreds of people and when you send her your video she may not even watch it. There's no reason to assume she has watched even one. She said she didn't know who you were when you emailed her. That's PROOF that most (if not all) of this is in your head. Frankly, this all sounds unhealthy and you should seek professional help.
  5. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    I wouldn't call you a creep... but perhaps a naive dreamer?

    There is a difference between reality and fantasy.
    It seems like you are convinced that the way she is in your fantasies- must be the way she is in person.
    There have been many people who thought I was something other than I really am-- all because they are too serious about the fantasy of how they think I am... but it's not who I am, and it's scary to have people chase you when you hadn't had the chance to get to know them and to 'want' the chase.
    Once the chase has already started; it's impossible to go back to trying to create an honest relationship with her in person because their image of you will always be 'the scary guy who was following me'.

    There is a big difference between screen presence and *acting* - and how a person is in their private life.

    Do you understand this difference?
  6. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I get it.
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 4, 2010
  7. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I hear you all.

    It is hard to admit this all in my head because I constructed the fantasy so as to give myself a feeling of worth,the feeling of being wanted by another,for friendship,someone to have stupid fun with or whatever.

    None of this being real is the reason why i feel i should end it.It is so painful to let go of this last hope,as unreal as it is.

    The way i look at it is that in facing up to what the truth of the situation is i have to hurt myself in order to become really unhappy.
  8. Axiom

    Axiom Account Closed

    I think that's very, brave and strong of you to be aware of your actions and thoughts. It might seem hopeless and difficult now, but it's quite possibly the best step for you. You can go forward from this and find your passion and enjoyment in life, and share that with other people. That other way of thinking, it may feel good, but growing ontop/from it can be extremely dangerous, simply because it's not real, and if you build real things ontop of it, eventually those real things will come crashing down. Plus that sort of fiction tends to distort your rational thinking, which can ruin future situations that could benifit you.

    Try not to be so hard on yourself and on the outlook for yourself. You sound like a nice person :)
  9. poisonedresistance

    poisonedresistance Well-Known Member

    As someone who has been on the receiving end of a stalker I hope you decide to change your behavior.

    Its very scary and really depressing, even though you think she may want it, or like it,, ,actually she is scared to pick up the phone incase its you, scared to go online incase your watching her every move, she is scared to leave the house incase your there, scared to be alone in the dark incase youve broken in and are going to hurt her,, just generally scared to go about her normal life,,,,,,,,,

    you getting the picture?
  10. ansdr

    ansdr Well-Known Member

    Now wait a sec, everyone is so quick to call this guy a stalker, no one even offered to ask him what his situation is, and why he chose to pursue this girl, and this girl only, especially online.

    To the OP
    Do you know any other girls, do you get to see girls on a daily situation. I don't think you need proffesional help. Alot of the reasons why people decide to only pursue one person is due to scarcity, it's like if you were stuck on an island with just 2 girls. Your only choice would be to pursue these 2 girls, or else, nothing. I think it helps to have alot of options because if you get stuck on one person, it can be very hard to get over them. Are you employed, do you have a car or some way to travel. Alot of what people consider to be "wrong" or "crimes" are due to unfortunate living situations, how they were raised and alot of things. But people just feel more comfortable calling people crazy, evil and telling them something is wrong with them. That solves nothing in my opinion.

    Maybe you think if you give up on this girl you might never find anyone like her. Then that's just a matter of hope. But if you are employed and have a car, that means you have the freedom to find someone else. And I think you should if you have that option. If you need any help or advice just message me.
  11. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I have no job or car.

    I have no work skills or social skills.

    There is no relationship between me and this woman,on any level.
    I was trying to use fantasy in order to shield myself from the reality of failing at life.
    That is why i feel suicidal.It is merely the next step to take in a logical progression.
  12. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Hey, I have no money or job. I also am terrified of people and stay locked in my room all day long--- this behavior is more common than you think and it's possible to move on from it; you just have to know that it's okay to reach out for help.
    You have to be willing to change your habits and try to break free of your social phobias, though... and that's a hard thing to do.

    It's overwhelming because in order to make money to buy a car- you have to work, which means you have to be around people. I hate thinking about it. Absolutely hate it! ... but the only way that I can move forward is by asking for help from doctors, from friends, from family-- to practice my social skills... and being here on this forum has helped. I've spoken with people who are strangers to me in real life and I feel like I've started to regain some of those social skills I figured I'd never have again.

    If you're willing to give it a try, too- I'm sure you can move past this and begin to 'have a life'.
  13. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Thank you KittyGirl but i feel like recidivist.I feel I do not have the required will needed to stop fantasizing about being in a special "relationship" with this woman.This fantasy is so easy to fill up my mind with it gives me so much comfort and hope.It is so automatic to switch back into fantasy mode even after stark moments of clear and uncomfortable clarity.all it takes is a small challenge appearing in my day and again the notion of having a special friend who understands me,and in turn I understand her, in a way that no other can,recreates itself through impulse.
    I am also avoiding the people you mentioned I should be seeking help from.
    The psychiatric services have been trying to hospitalise me for the past ten or so years.Do you think it wise that i suddenly surrender myself as it were with this little tale of delusion as an offering? I fear and i mean fear telling them about my imaginings.At one point in mu past dealings with them I enraged a psychiatric nurse so much with my jibber jabberings that he threatened to beat me well.
    All this aside you are stone cold right.
    Maybe we could compete with each other to see who could be the first to manage leaving the house and becoming the CEO of a large corporation. ;)
  14. Joshuwa

    Joshuwa Well-Known Member

    It's the same for me, we just have to tough it out and hope that one day our lives will be so beautiful
  15. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    Aw~ I don't know about that... haha
    I still feel completely useless even with help, but I suppose if you never try, you'll never know. ...or something along those lines.
  16. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    I must apologise.I have been most rude to a few people who took the caretime out of their lives so they could put my problems above theirs,for this I thank you and I am truly grateful for your kindness.
    I shall answer you now,because I have manged to remove my head from my own ass. ;)

    (places self at the head of a royal procession and makes their regal way down to common street,flanked by flunkies,to talk with plus receive waves and cheers from the jubilant peasants ;) )

    @Blake-I dig your house of cards analogy.If I make a house from my cards it will collapse sooner or later,but even if I manage to perpetuate my fantasies it would ultimately leave me with no real cards to play in life.Was that what you were saying?...thanks. :)
    @litl3r3d-Understood.I have been stalked myself.I am in danger of becoming "that pervert",if I have not already become so.congrats for the reality check.
  17. NoMoneyToPlease

    NoMoneyToPlease Banned Member

    Ad continuata....

    @Living in your own world.the finishing quote on your posting hardly helps matters.No malice intended....just sayin' that's all. :)

    @Nobody man-Gotcha bud.Crispy clear! :)

    @andsr (special mention)-Thank you for stepping in and quelling the public mashing I was receiving.You have facilitated matters greatly.Much apreeshed mah fwend. :)

    @Joshuwa-Yes! if we don't tough it out then we way become toughened to life's beauty itself.Recognition one time in yo house. :)

    @Kittygirl-One name for you to ponder over or think about,whichever you choose to do is fine...Howard Hughes !!!!!
    Nuff said. ;)
  18. morning rush

    morning rush Well-Known Member

    I didn't mean to be mean, fantasies are healthy to have but the way you phrased your post, like you were implying that she liked you even though she didn't even know you and that all her videos were directed at you when the fact of the matter is, she was just generalizing them...

    I think that its okay to pursue a girl, but when she says no, it means no...and if she says she doesnt know you or want to know you, that's the time to back off...which is what you did, and that takes a lot of courage to talk about this in a rational manner, which you did...

    sometimes the truth is hard to understand...and it can be harsh...but the fact that you're suicidal may also be a good reason to consult...maybe you can go to group meetings and meet a great girl there...

    I think the problem is when a person won't take no for an answer, be it a girl or boy...and then goes out of his/her way to follow the person, monitor her/his every move...that's obsession...and I know that people don't want to admit that there are people who are sick and do this...

    fantasies are one thing, meddling when someone told you to back off...that against the will of the person...that's a crime
  19. Daphna

    Daphna Well-Known Member

    You and everyone here has a purpose that is ready to be revealed. It wasn't until I reached out and did some soul searching that I was able to be lead to mine. Faith and prayer worked for me, and I know that it has worked for a lot of others too. Don't knock it till you try it. There is always hope, and life is beautiful once you have understanding. Blessings..